Twelve Months
by Stars-Stripes1992
Summary: Tells the story of the first year of marriage; the trials and tribulations faced and how the first year can change everything and everyone.
1. Chapter 1

**Twelve Months**

Twelve one shots that follow the trials and tribulations of the first year of marriage.

Each month will almost be a one shot but each will make reference to others, if that makes sense. You may also recognise some of the story line from the early relationship we have seen develop between the two in the show. It is also going to have my version of events in too, which will make it fluffy and very sickly sweet ;) To add, I have chosen to follow on from the day Catherine turned up at the hospital, and other characters will also pop up.

I do not own Grey's Anatomy (:

**First Month**

"A pre-nupt? Really? I could have given her ideas for a more original wedding present if she'd asked."

They were home now. Their shifts had coincided and ended at 10pm. It was a hefty relief when the front door had been closed and the events of the day were firmly behind them. Catherine had, of course, chosen not to have dinner with them like she had planned after Richard's party had ended. Instead, she had gone him with him in order to express her annoyance with the younger couple. Not that that seemed at all fair. It was clear that she was the only one with the problem. Jackson and April were too happy together to truly take note of the mood she would soon shed, when she became used to the idea of their marriage.

Rolling his eyes, Jackson offered his wife a playful look, which she returned with a wide smile before collapsing in giggles beside him. Without question, she eased her head up to his chest and nestled in the crook of his arm, created without her even needing to ask. Something that amazed each of them about the other, was how they simply seemed to know what the other was thinking or feeling, without even needing to ask.

"I'm sorry about today." Jackson sighed, as April's giggles began to subside and they settled into a comfortable moment. He had been feeling guilty for most of the day. He knew he should have prepared both his wife and his mother for the first meeting, since the change in their circumstances. To Catherine, he had explained the wedding and how it had all came about, but had been very cagey about the exact details of the relationship he had, unbeknown to his mom, with April. And to his wife… well he hadn't exactly informed her that Catherine had already planned her first trip to Seattle before he had even had the chance to explain anything.

"Jackson, honestly, it doesn't matter." April reassured him, the words vibrating against his chest. Her words were extremely sincere considering the trauma she had endured throughout their day. Turning her head upwards a little, she caught his eyes and offered a warm smile. "It's just a stupid piece of paper. I'm not surprise she is being so dubious about my intentions towards her son."

Jackson returned his wife's smile with one so equally filled with warmth and appreciation. He could not have been more in love with April if he had tried. She took everything in her stride, even when it was himself putting obstacles in their way. It was one of the many things that had caused him to fall so deeply, head over heels for the one woman who he had only ever seen before _that _night, as his best friend. Tipping his own head, he awkwardly brought his lips to softly press against April's and gave her the sweetest of kisses. It was one small way he was able to express to her, just how he felt toward her.

"Be warned though, my dad will be asking you the exact same thing when we visit next month." April teased, breaking from the kiss a few moments later.

"Exact same thing?"

"Yeah, you know, about your intentions… towards his daughter?"

"Naughty intentions?" He replied in a flirtatious manner.

The soft giggle of his wife penetrated the air once more. "Other than those… I'm his little girl remember? And you did kind of crash my other wedding, so he's not going to be best pleased with you."

"Like I need reminding."

"Well, he will remind you… a lot. He paid good money for the barn, and my dress, and my hair, oh and the doves and…"

"April," He cut across, the lighter tone suddenly absent from his words. Her giggling instantly ceased. "I don't need a reminder of the wedding I crashed. I was there."

Shifting uncomfortably in his embrace, she swallowed hard. Her body became tense in his arms. "Sorry, I was just joking around with you. I didn't know it was making you uncomfortable."

"I'm sorry. I just… it's hard, to listen you talk about the wedding and about what could have happened if I hadn't been impulsive and listened to Mark bloody Sloan." He apologised, their gaze still transfixed on one and other. He could see the sudden traces of uncertainty in his wife's eyes and instantly felt like a tool. "It shouldn't have even gotten to that point before I finally made up my mind."

April allowed her body to relax a little as his apology soaked in the space that surrounded them. "And I'm sorry too. I know that we both regret a lot that has happened in the past. It was silly of me to bring up the wedding."

In the weeks that had followed their surprise marriage, the wedding that April had originally been in the midst off, became topic of conversation less and less. It was minutes in her life that both of them wanted to forget; April, because she almost became married to a man who was only ever second best to Jackson, and Jackson, because he had almost let the one woman he had only ever truly loved, slip away toward another man. They both knew the only important part now, was making their marriage work and loving one and other unconditionally. It just didn't seem to want to work in this way when obstacles, such as his demanding mother, kept blocking their path.

"April, that wedding was the only reason I stood up and was finally honest about how I felt about you… that's why I don't want to discuss it. It made me realise I had been a coward for far too long." Jackson admitted. It was hard to hear but it was the truth.

With tender intentions, April reached her hand upwards and rested it against her husband's left cheek. His own hand soon came to rest above it. "Jackson, let's not regret that day ok?"

"But I-"

"No regrets. Promise me?"

Nodding, he eased a soft smile into the curve of his lips once more. "No regrets."

"Ok… now that we've settled that, what shall I make us for dinner?" She asked, suddenly springing up from her position and bustling off towards the kitchenette.

Jackson paused for a moment to watch her rustling in the cupboards for pots and cooking utensils. He could not help but marvel at the resilience that she showed, even when something occurred with the potential to break a piece of her spirit. It suddenly occurred to him that he needed to do everything in his power to protect the wonder he had found in her.

"April?"

Turning to catch sight across the room, she grinned widely. "Yes husband?"

"Do you know what I'm going to tell your dad when he asks what my intentions are towards his daughter, now I'm your my wife?"

"What are you going to tell him?" She asked, pausing her movements for a moment to hear.

"That no matter what, even when life seems impossible, that I will protect you and ensure that nothing and nobody breaks that wonderful spirit that made me fall in love with you."

Feeling her heart flood with a rush of sudden intense love towards her husband, April nodded before returning to her search in the kitchen cupboards.


	2. Chapter 2

**Month Two**

"They loved you." April grinned, linking hands with her husband as they left the restaurant.

Her husband rolled his eyes, squeezing their fingers tightly. "I wouldn't go as far as to say 'loved' April." He replied, sighing heavily as the events of the evening rolled continually through his mind. How could April think that any of _that_, was a sign that her parents adored him. It seemed their perception of the talented, tall, dark and handsome surgeon that had previously met, was much different now he happened to be their daughter's husband.

"It was just take them time to get used to the whole, us being married thing. They don't like you any less than before, when we were just friends." April tried to reassure him.

It was growing darker now. The sun had settled beneath the cover of clouds lacing the skyline of the city. All that remained was a strong of orange, glowing warmly across the street and road that stretched before them. It was certainly a beautiful evening for a walk and was almost certainly helping to ease the tension in every inch of Jackson's being.

Tonight had consisted of terror, interrogation and a large amount of awkward silence. April's father and mother had been present, alongside her sisters, their husbands and children, including Kimmie's recent addition to the family, Miley. Knowing her entire family had made the intentional trip across the country, just to spend time with April and her new husband, had filled him with utter dread. In fact, he hadn't been particularly filled with joy right from the moment April had announced the impending visit of her parents a few weeks previous. It didn't matter that April had been honest with, told them every detail of what had happened when they had raced from the ceremony because he knew, to them, he was always going to be the man who crashed their daughter's wedding. No cosy family meals, or Thanksgivings in Ohio were going to erase that fact. It wasn't even going to be enough that he had married April, despite all reason and sense. Maybe even the unwavering, powerful love he felt for their daughter was simply going to fall on deaf ears.

It took an entire five minutes during their meeting that evening, to establish that all he thought, was in fact true.

"Why don't you think it went well?" April asked, confused by Jackson's mood on their departure.

"I…" He started, stuttering a little on his words. Where to begin?

April cocked her left eyebrow, awaiting an answer with an almost teasing curve in her lips. Jackson knew his wife well enough, to know she was going to mock him and continue her questioning, if he was unable to provide an answer to her question.

Swallowing hard, he started up again. "For starters, Miley spit up on my shirt. I'm a doctor, and the first thing I did, was pass her to you."

April spluttered laughter at his words. "And you think they hate you based on that?"

"Not just that, April. I-"

"Jackson, Miley's barely three months old. If you'd failed to notice, babies do tend to spit up without warning. Hazard of the job." She teased, directing them from the bustling streets towards the greenery of the local park that had caught her attention.

"I know… but it wasn't just that. They were… off with me. Normally your mum doesn't stop talking to me, asking me questions. Tonight, it was like she was just talking to me to be polite." He continued, trying to explain the 'off' feeling he had received from their interactions with Karen and Joe Kepner.

"Jackson," April sighed, suddenly pausing their movements and breaking free from her husband's grip. "Am I going to have to hear about this for the entire walk home?"

"I-" He started but stopped at the sudden sight of his wife, stood before him one hand on hip, glaring with the type of eyes she only used to get what she wanted.

"Am I?"

Too afraid to fire her up any further, Jackson sighed and shook his head, which only caused his wife to giggle in response before reaching out to re-take his hand. Smiling to himself, well aware he had allowed his wife to win once more, he squeezed tightly to her fingers and recommenced their footsteps through the twilight.

It was only at this point, that their surroundings came to his attention. April must have stolen them from the bustle of the city, in favour of the quietness of the green that surrounded them. It was certainly a much more wonderful place to pass the time as they walked towards their apartment as few blocks from the hospital. He mused over just how much he seemed to allow his new wife to make the decisions, and to gain her own way when she was unhappy with the current situation.

"Jackson?"

The sudden sound of her voice snapped him from his thoughts and he turned to her, smiling softly as her beauty caused his heart to skip a beat.

"April?" He shot back, causing a smile to slip into her lips in response.

"You think Miley's cute right?"

He laughed softly, the stain on his shirt from the small child's spit up still evident from the corner of his eye. "Yes… despite the little mishap."

"Do you think our babies would be cute?"

April thought the question might surprise him, cause him to stumble on his words. Yet his serene, soft smile remained as he pursed his lips to speak.

"Not that I'm pregnant or anything." She quickly added. It was easier to clear up that confusion from the off, considering the previous situation that had imploded from her suspicions she may have been carrying his child.

"No… I was just going to say, yes. Yes I think they will be cute."

April seemed surprised at his statement but continued to smile all the same. "They will? You mean, we're going to have children… one day?"

Jackson stopped their movements for the second time that hour, releasing her hand before quickly replacing both of his hands on each of her hip bones, bringing her close to his chest.

The sudden closeness with was a surprise but it was welcoming to April. She wasn't sure she was ever going to tire of his warmth against her skin, or the lingering smell of his cologne. Tilting her head upwards, she caught his gaze and lingered for a moment, drinking in the strength of his bright blue eyes. He continued to smile down at her, in awe of just how wonderful she was.

"I can't wait to start a family with you, Mrs Avery." He murmured after a few moments of comfortable silence.

The meaning of his words were like a melody to his wife's ears. For most of her life, marrying a wonderful man and starting a family had been the one thing she had dreamt of, besides becoming a kick ass surgeon of course. Now it was here, and she was immersed in the moment, it was almost too impossible to believe. Especially considering that wonderful man, had been just her best friend, two years previous to this exact moment. April could simply not understand what she had done in her life, to deserve to love of such an exceptional man, who loved her back in equal proportions. It was tonight, she realised for the first time, marriage to Matthew could not have been in any way, like the marriage she shared with Jackson.

"Why did you ask? Did you not think I want what you want?" He asked her. He was unsure of why she would feel that he would not want to have a child with her. What better woman to be the mother of his children?

April bit her lip with caution, chewing on the reason before she finally plucked up the courage to explain her uncertainty.

"After what happened with you mom, and the whole pre-nupt argument… she has all these plans for the children that we're going to have and… and I was scared it had put you off, in some way."

Quickly, Jackson shook his head and instantly drew her closer to him. Their lips were almost touching, and she could feel his warm breath on her lips. "We are going to have hundreds of wonderful babies, April. Each one happy, healthy and raised in the way we decide, not in the way my mother does. Just in our own time, ok?"

April nodded, her lips widening further before she spoke. "I could wait ten years, Jackson Avery. Just the promise that we'll have each other, and one day a baby to complete us… that's enough for me." Every last word expressed with the greatest endearment and tenderness.


	3. Chapter 3

**Month Three**

"Urgh." April huffed, sniffling as she dropped into a spare seat beside Jackson at the cafeteria table he had commandeered. Looking up, he smiled with empathy and pushed over his untouched bowl of soup. "It's chicken."

Pushing it back to him, she groaned and slumped against the back rest. "I can't face that."

"Still feeling rough, hey?" He asked, reaching out his palm and pressing it to her forehead. She did indeed feel clammy. Finally it seemed she had succumbed to the stomach flu that had just finished its rampant spread across the rest of the hospital staff.

With a feeble nod, she tipped her head and pressed it against Jackson's jacket. Lovingly, he stroked her cheek and allowed her a few moments to rest.

The vomiting had started not much after Jackson had finally recovered from his own bout of illness. The temperature and fatigue were now clearly taking their effect also.

Of course, April had staved off all his attempts at getting her to stay home from work. Claims of oppression and woman's rights, soon ceased them. Not that he was entirely sure why or how these were relevant to the concern he was expressing. Though it soon became apparent, it was just another way she was able to win the argument. However, he had had to admit her defiance and determination were extremely impressive, considering he knew just how unwell she must have been feeling from his own experience. A week off from work had done him the world of good. Again, not that she wanted to hear this.

"I have surgery soon." April grumbled quietly against his shoulder. "If I can stay awake long enough that is."

Jackson raised an eyebrow at his wife's admission and cleared his throat.

"What?" She asked with trepidation. She knew this was Jackson's way of expressing concern. Something that had occurred to her long before their marriage.

"Well erm… do you think you ought to be operating if you're feeling unwell?"

Sitting upright, April enabled Jackson to turn to her and instantly catch sight of the annoyance in her expression. "Did I question your abilities to patch up faces and surgically enhance women's breasts when you were sick?"

Jackson laughed a little and rolled his eyes. "You're so cranky when you're sick."

"I am not cranky." April scoffed before turning away from her, huffing to further express her dislike for his need to interrogate her.

"Cranky… but beautiful." Jackson added, before taking to his feet and collecting his tray from the table. All April could muster in response, was to roll her own eyes before struggling her feet to follow him across the cafeteria.

"Where are we going?" She asked, struggling to keep up with him as he strode into the bustling corridor.

Turning back, he grinned. "I'm walking you to surgery…. If you're going to insist on going ahead."

Even in her current state, April mustered a smile at the knowledge of her husband's gesture and picked up her speed, falling quickly into step beside him. "I am not cranky when I'm sick… am I?" She questioned as they weaved through the crowd.

Jackson laughed once more, before reaching out and capturing her hand in his own.

"Let's just get you to surgery."

*/\*

Sure enough, Jackson stuck to his word and brought his wife right to the scrub room of OR1, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead before he allowed her to slip behind the sliding door.

"I'm not kissing your sickly lips." He echoed, grinning widely as he slipped back the way they had come. He also had surgery this afternoon but it didn't seem to matter if he was a few moments late, as long as April was safely where she should have been.

"You got a keeper in that one, April." Arizona murmured as April took her space beside her friend at the scrub basin. "How sweet of him to walk you to surgery."

April nodded, sniffing loudly as she bent of the basin, soaking her hands and lower arms under the warmth of the water. Arizona noted the lack of words as a certain cause for concern. "April? Are you ok?"

Dropping her scrub brush, the older woman stepped closer to April and touched her shoulder. Surgery could wait until they had had chance to talk and re-scrub.

"April?"

It took a few moments before she could bring herself to look up from the basin, tear stained eyes instantly resonating with her friend. Arizona sighed and reached out to ease April round to face her. "What's wrong? You and Jackson haven't fought, right?"

The question was odd, considering what Arizona had just witnessed but she had asked it anyway. She knew all too well how easy it was to put up an act when things were crumbling beneath the surface of a marriage.

April, however, shook her head and used her damp wrist to wipe stray tears from her cheeks. "N-no, we-we're great." She managed through choked sobs.

"Then why are you crying?" Arizona asked, confused at the sudden appearance of tears if all was as well as April claimed.

A few moments of silence proceeded the silence, apart from an occasional sniff from April, as she asked herself silently why, exactly, she was crying. Yes, she was tired, exhausted in fact and aching, and sick and her sinuses were blocked but that was no excuse to cry. April Kepner was a strong, fearless, kick ass trauma surgeon. Despite her weaknesses, on the odd occasion which had caused her to shed a tear or two, she was not usually the type of woman who cried with reason. None of it made any sense.

"April?" Arizona said quietly, penetrating the silence.

The red head looked up, caught sight of the concerned expression in her friend's features and dispelled a heavy sigh. "I honestly have no idea."

Arizona laughed softly, reaching out to touch her friends elbow. "You look tired… are you sick? Maybe that's why you're so tearful?"

April nodded. "I think I caught the stomach flu from Jackson."

Arizona tipped her head knowingly. "Callie and Sofia caught it from me. It's nasty. No wonder you're so tired… maybe home is better than operating?"

Although the younger surgeon almost wished to protest, she found herself nodding in agreement with Arizona's suggestion. She had to admit, the ache she was experiencing in most her entire body, and the constant sense of nausea with every moment, was beginning to get a little too much to 'push through'. All that seemed to be consuming her now was the need for her bed sheets, aspirin and a hot water bottle. The thought of the sight of an open body on the operating, almost had her wanting to hurl.

"I think you're right." She agreed. She knew Jackson would be grateful she had finally listened to someone, even if it wasn't him.

Offering her friend a warm smile, Arizona turned back to the scrub basin and flicked on the steaming water once more. "Just sleep. You'll feel much better once you have. Trust me." She called out as April turned, hitting the button to open to automatic door into the corridor.

"Jackson!" She exclaimed, almost colliding with her husband as she stepped from the scrub room. Clutching her chest, as he steadied her, she offered him a confused expression. "I thought you had surgery this afternoon?"

"Mine was cancelled… what about yours?" He asked, peering through the door behind her to see Arizona stepping into the OR.

Sheepishly, she flicked her gaze from her eyes from her husband and spoke. "I'm too sick to operate."

The sound of her husband's hearty laugh reached her ears as he took in the sound of her defeat. She knew he was going to enjoy taking credit for first making such an observation, even if it wasn't his advice to go home that she had chosen to listen to. It was still acceptable, she felt however, to pout at his childish 'I told you so' routine.

"Stop laughing. Take me home."

Her husband nodded, reaching out his hand for her to take. "I might not be able to promise no laughing… but I will gladly take you home."

Accepting the offer his hand for support, they set off together toward the attending lounge to change. As they walked April continually felt Jackson kept stealing glances in her direction as they did so, before she finally felt she needed to question him. Raising her eyebrow, she caught his gaze. "Why do you keep looking at me like that?"

Jackson shrugged and expressed a glint of teasing in his features. "You are definitely grumpy when you're sick."

April rolled her eyes and squeezed his hand a little tighter with her own. "But still beautiful right?"

Jackson nodded and brought her closer to him, lifting his arm to wrap over her shoulder, still ensuring their hands remained knotted together. "Definitely still beautiful."


	4. Chapter 4

**An extra chapter for all you lovelies this evening because I'm bored, and feeling inspired :D **

**Keep the love flowing! **

* * *

**Month Four**

"_She's been like this for a few days. I can't get any sense out of her."_

"_I can't imagine what she's go through. I'd imagine she hasn't got a great deal to say."_

"_But she won't even talk to me, Meredith. I'm her husband forgodsake."_

"_Just be patient. I'm sure she'll talk to you when she's ready Jackson."_

"_I hope she be ready soon. I'm hurting knowing I have no way to make any of this ok for her." _

April Kepner had felt many times that sinking, aching feeling when you have something you really want and then it slips away, silently without any warning. Maybe at times, it's something you don't even realise that you want until it's too late. Then the rug is pulled from beneath your feet and you can't fathom the empty, dull sense in your chest. It almost feels like a part of you is missing.

Now, part of her really was missing.

Thumbing the small piece of card in her hand, a single tear dripped from her left cheek and a single sniff escaped her sinuses. She didn't even really know why she was looking at her, torturing herself over and over again. The trash can was a metre or so away from where she sat. It would have been easiest to dump it. It was of pointless existence now anyway.

"April?"

The sound of her husband's voice caused her to look up suddenly, dropping the piece of card that she was cradling with her finger. "You made me jump." She murmured, scooping at the waist from her chair to retrieve it.

"Meredith told me you were in here. I just came to see if you were ok." He explained, edging into the lab with some uncertainty.

April nodded with little enthusiasm. She was still unable to take her eyes from the scratchy image that filled every inch of her vision. Jackson's being here was not something she wanted to ignore but she was finding it physically impossible to offer him any more recognition. Every time she caught his eye, a stabbing sensation rushed across her chest and her heart began to beat rapidly. Of course, her husband had been hard pressed not to notice this.

The last month had been a constant circle of this, bar the first few days from when they had been told the heart breaking news. Then she had sought comfort in him, reaming close to his chest as she sobbed every last ounce of emotion from her body. Then suddenly, with no warning or explanation, she had slipped away from his grasp and continued to remain almost mute in his presence. Every time that he stepped into a room with her, and she refused to give him anything more than a nod or a few words, he felt a piece of his heart shatter into a hundred and one irreparable fragments.

"Do you need anything? I heard you've been pretty busy in the ER." Jackson tried again, in vain hope something would spark conversation.

"No, I'm ok thanks." April replied bluntly. Still she refused to offer him even a second of a glance or an expression that might give him something, anything.

"April. Please just talk to me… say anything. It's like you can't even stand the sight of me anymore." He pleaded, as something snapped within him. It was beginning to get extremely tiresome making effort to receive no reward. She wasn't the only one hurting.

However, it seemed silence was the only thing that prevailed, even after his admission of hurt and despair. April's eyes just continued to remain trained on the picture, still fixed firmly within her grasp, more tears slipping down her cheeks hidden beneath her auburn curls. Jackson knew he was defeated.

"I'll be at home. If you decided to come home that is." He told her bluntly, turning in the doorway to exit the room. He could no longer stay here and try, when she didn't seem willing to want to give him anything in return.

"Jackson, I…" She began but her words seemed to trail gently into the silence that surrounded them. She couldn't quite bring herself to look upward but she sensed in her chest, just saying one thing would stop him from leaving and slipping further from her. She knew that just because now, she couldn't quite bring herself to use him as her emotional crutch, it was not fair to continue to keep him at arm's length like she had been doing. "Do you hate me?"

The question came as a surprise to her husband. Hate her? Where had she gotten such an idea? No that he was sure he even knew for what reason she might have been referencing such a strong term of emotion. "April, what an earth makes you think that?" He asked, turning back and taking the length of the room to her side, in a second or two.

"I have so much to answer for. Why didn't I just listen when you told me to stay home? I was sick." She mumbled, words spilling quite freely from her lips. Pain was evident as her tone peaked with the sentence end.

Gently, Jackson eased himself down onto his knees and peered beneath the mass of curls obscuring her face. It was then he noted just how much she must have been crying. "You weren't to know what was happening, April." He soothed, reaching his hand across to touch her face with sheer tenderness. It was killing him to see his wife like this.

"I just thought it was a stomach flu… like yours. I….I…"

It was clear it was too painful for her to continue on with what she had wanted to say. It was when she was upon the edge of verbally hearing the words that she broken her in two. Three Doctor's had told them to her, and Jackson had even reconfirmed them but still, she was struggling and grappling with the sound of them on her own lips. "It was all my fault."

"Hey," He started with a stern tone, ceasing the soothing strokes of her cheek and returning his fingers to her chin, tilting it with strong coaxing toward him. "Hey, this was nobody's fault April. These things just happen without any warning. It's nature's way."

The words rolled with a quickened pace within the atmosphere of the room. They seemed so loaded and so fake. Nature's way? No person should have to feel like this at the hands of nature; God was nature, he wouldn't make a person suffer in the way April currently was because it was the way things 'just happen'. This was an event of great misfortune, brought about by selfishness and her lack of ability to listen to her husband. Mainly, she was sure it was based on the reaction she had expressed a few months previous. The moment she had opened the letter containing her blood results in the ambulance bay, tearing Jackson's heart out with her jubilation.

"Jackson, this means something. It hasn't just happened. I did something to make this happen… and I'm pretty sure I know what."

"April," He tried, cut deeply by the way she seemed unable to understand the simple reasoning for the terrible situation they had found themselves dealing with. "You have to understand it wasn't you. Neither of us could have stopped this from happening."

"You don't get it Jackson! I almost wished for this to happen. I was too happy, overjoyed even when I found out I wasn't going to have to be coerced into my future." She retorted. Finding her voice, she seemed to suddenly gather courage and snatch her eyes away from the sheet of card in her hand, finding them now matching Jackson's eyes. He was understandably stunned by her reaction to his soothing words. Shifting the image, she lifted it so her husband could see and pointed at the grainy imaging. "Now I want this, now we're married and happy... and my chance has been ripped away. I didn't even get the chance to experience the moment I found out… or the moment I got to tell you."

Jackson sighed, rubbing his hand across his face as he averted his eyes from the picture. He personally did not need a physical reminder of the pain that lingered within them both. "April, please. I know that you're hurting, I am too but this isn't helping anyone. What happened then, before the crazy last minute wedding and my realising what an idiot I had been… that was the past, when neither of us knew that what we wanted was this… to be together and be happy."

Jackson knew he was trying but that, seemingly, his words were failing. The pain in her eyes did not shift, nor did the silent tears cease. Not in all the time he had known her, had he seen April quite this broken. Even through the death of her grandparents, and then her own parents facing bankruptcy that could have forced them to sell their farm. April was always the tower of strength, the one people turned to… the one Jackson turned to when the going got tough. Now she was the one who needed help and he knew he was grappling to provide a substantial amount.

"I love you, April Avery. I don't blame you for a single thing, you have to believe me when I tell you that. Because I'm struggling here." He continued. Yet it was clear he was running out of breath to carry his words. It was as though his entire body was being crushed under the weight of the pain his wife seemed be torturing with.

April's eyes were still fixed on his. She was frozen to the moment, trying to will herself from the deepest corner of her being, to believe that he didn't blame her. Knowing Jackson in the way she did, she understood he was a kind man who loved her, and physically could not see past the point at which her subconscious believed he would never be able to forgive her.

Breathing outwards, drifting soft waves of hot breath across the skin on his cheek, she reached up and placed a finger on the corner of his lips. Tears were still falling.

"Jackson, I lost our baby. I willed the last time not be pregnant and then when I was… I had a miscarriage. How can you say none of that is my fault?

"_She knows you love her, that's all that matters." Meredith tried once more, impressed by her own ability to comfort and support. Perhaps though, she thought quietly to herself, it may have been as a result of her own experience in this particular area. _

"_She does." Christina reaffirmed, although not normally one for any sort of endearments, even when it was friends concerned. _

_A pager broke the stillness in the room suddenly, to which Meredith and Christina responded to with sudden ferreting in their scrub pockets. "911." They said in unison, standing but not instantly stretching the leave as a mark of respect for their friend. _

"_Go." He told them quietly, offering both them a weak smile before they escaped into the bustle of the corridors outside the confines of the hospital room. _

_Jackson swallowed hard, bringing his focus back to April. She had not moved the entire time Meredith and Christina had been in the room with them. Choosing instead to lay on her left side, clutching a pillow with her back facing those that may enter. Although he knew this was a coping mechanism – shutting out all those who loved and cared deeply for her – it didn't make him any less determined to try. _

_Taking to his feet, he crossed the room and climbed into the position in the few inches provided on the mattress against the curve his wife's spine. For a moment or two, she chose not to acknowledge this, until her reached his arm around her and eased her body into the familiar curve of his own. It was only then, did he feel a few of her muscles release and her back collapse against his chest. He could feel the wetness of the pillow against his hand from where she had quite obviously been crying. _

"_I love you." He murmured, pressing his lips into the shaft of her lank hair. Even without her daily wash and style, her hair still provided a comforting familiar smell to him. "And I am so sorry about everything you have had to go through this week."_

"_I-I-I-" She stumbled in a quiet tone, unable barely speak for fear of a fresh sob racking her entire body once more. "I lost our baby, Jackson. A baby I didn't even know we had, and now I wish we had more than anything…. It was just supposed to be a stomach flu."_

"_Ssh." He soothed, reaching a hand beneath the sheets and stroking her bare arm. It was a sight to break even the hardest of hearts. _

"_I just want all of this to be over."_

The memory of those few days hung still fresh with the young surgeon. Right from the moment they had been told there no foetal heart beat, right through to tonight, here in the office with his broken wife and his equally broken heart. It didn't seem based on all of that, that it would safe to feel anything but grief and devastation ever again. And still.

"April, I get it ok? You're hurting. You're allowed to hurt." He told her, his hand still on her chin and their eyes still transfixed against the other person's. "But whatever happens, no matter how long it takes for things to get better, I'm here… I'm not going anywhere… we're gonna make it, I promise."


	5. Chapter 5

**Month Five**

_911._

The shrill bleep of her pager, woke April suddenly from her dream. Rubbing her eyes, she proceeded to blink furiously. In the shadow of the evening sky, the on call confused her for a moment. She had been dreaming about her bed at home, with Jackson besides her offering her a little more than 'spooning'. To wake up here, and alone, was a disappointment to say the very least.

Grappling with the cocoon of sheets, she managed to stumble from the bed and collect her pager from the desk across the room. "Crap." She cursed, stuffing it in her scrub bottoms pocket, scanning the room for her top half. It had become lost in the heat of the passionate embrace she had found herself in the midst of little over an hour previous. All she knew was that Jackson had removed it with haste and thrown it in some sort of direction.

The pager bleeped furiously once more, commanding her attention. "Crap, crap, crap." She continued, bending at the waist to retrieve the flash of blue from beneath the bed. Stuffing the item over her head, she hastily silenced the bleeping and exited the on call room.

"Major trauma." Alex puffed, scurrying up behind her as they headed in the direction of the ER. "Lots of gore!"

April rolled her eyes but proceeded with a small smile. It was wonderful to see such passion in the minds of her friends, even if like Karev, they were not always with the concern of the patient at the heart. Entering the ER, chaos surrounding her, she knew this was where they all felt the safest and the strongest, besides the operating room of course. "What have we got?" She asked, advancing on a trolley crashing through the ambulance bay doors.

The paramedic produced a clip board, suspended from the trolley and began to explain what had happened. "Jane Doe, approximately late twenties in a car that was hit by a truck, truck won. Suspected tib and fib fractures, obvious head laceration and some nasty burns on her arms and face. Definitely KOed at the scene."

April nodded along, whilst her eyes scanned the patient in question; The head laceration was indeed extremely prominent, despite the large surgical pad strapped over to cover it. It was hard to believe she was still breathing, considering the other multitude of detected and still undetected ailments she had as a result of the crash. Swallowing hard, April snapped on her left glove. "Ok… trauma room 3 please!" She called as she eagerly followed the paramedics, swinging left as they approached the room in question. Once the patient was settled on the table in the centre of the room, she took a moment to lower herself and speak to the woman.

"I'm Dr Kepner. Can you hear me?" She asked, ignoring the other bodies that had poured into the room following their arrival. She would let them set up the equipment and achieve the right tools for diagnosis, including the necessary bloods and scans. Talking to her patient, and reassuring a woman who was quite clearly petrified, was her first and foremost job.

"Um… Hmm… Ma…" The patient struggled, quite obviously trying to communicate but physically unable to. Her arms began flailing wildly, to which April responded by grabbing the one closest and squeezing it tightly. "Don't try to speak. Concentrate on letting us help you. Relax." She soothed, although still feeling the eager fight of the patient through their connected hands.

"Kepner." Alex said gruffly, catching the attention of the female doctor. She nodded and stepped back from the table, letting the patient's hand return to her side.

"Ok, let's do a full body exam please." She instructed, removing her jacket and stepping to the observation monitor to her left. "Her BP is low, and she's tachycardic. She must be bleeding, somewhere."

Alex stepped forward, alongside two members of the nursing staff. "This is pretty nasty." He remarked, looking back over his shoulder at April as he lifted back the blankets that had been covering her. April nodded before he turned back to the patient. "Crap!"

"What?" She asked, stepping forward with panic at the sound of Alex's exclamation.

"Oh yeah," Piped up the paramedic from the corner of the room, casting her eyes to the Doctors from the form he had been completing. "She's heavily pregnant too. I'd say close to full term."

"Page the OBGYN on call." Alex said loudly in the vague direction of the nursing staff. "And Torres, Avery, Grey and Sheppard whilst you're at it."

*/\*

"What have we got?" Jackson asked, hurrying into the trauma room closely followed by Callie and Derek.

Instantly, Jackson's eyes fell upon the exposed abdomen of the patient, before flicking over to his wife. She stood by the observation monitor, intently studying the waves of the ECG; even with emotion lacking on her face, her could only imagine what was going on underneath her surface. "April?" He spoke, causing her to turn to him.

"Jane Doe, approx. late twenties. Head to head collision with a truck. Sustained some nasty injuries, fractured tib and fib, head lac and partial thickness burns to arms and left side of face. Also, approx. 35 weeks pregnant." She replied, barely registering the concern that her husband had been trying to convey with a look. Despite the fact most of those in the room knew what had happened to April barely a month previously, he didn't feel right to verbally express his concern for the sanity of his wife.

"She's lucky to even by alive." Callie stated flatly, moving toward the table and surveying the obvious fracture in the left leg. Whilst the protruding bones were of great interest to the orthopaedic surgeon, she couldn't help the overwhelming sense of sympathy she felt towards the young woman.

"We think there's a bleed somewhere." Alex cut in, now talking directly to Meredith who had suddenly appeared in the room behind the other Doctors. "It could be spleen, liver, gall bladder. I palpated her abdomen and it's pretty rigid, but the baby makes it difficult to get a clear idea."

"Have you paged an OBGYN? I'll get an intern to strap on foetal monitoring. We need scans stat." Meredith replied, before she left the room in the direction of the nursing station.

"I'll try them again." Responded a Nurse from the other side of the room.

As Callie continued to assess the bone injury, and Derek stood beside the patient assessing the head trauma, Jackson edged around to the other side of the table. Under the pretence he was assessing an upper arm burn, he stood closer to April and allowed their hips to touch. "Are you sure you can be here?" He asked her quietly, not allowing his eyes to leave the patient. He knew April well enough to know, she would not want special consideration or any form of obvious favour.

"I'm ok." She replied with a firm tone. Yes, she was surprised, that was not of any news but she did not need to be treated like a charity case. "I'm a Doctor, I treat patients, even pregnant ones and don't lose my mind."

Jackson bit his lip with some force with her words. He knew she would react in such a way, even though all he was trying to do was show her concern. She had told him that her counsellor, Doctor Ormishaw, had made it clear support was absolutely necessary from those you love when dealing with trauma and grief. Whilst he had always been quite sceptical of psychoanalyse, for once he thought he better listen. Even if at current his wife seemed to be resisting his attempts.

"I was just checking in." He replied, running a gloved finger along the length of skin on the patient's arm. "I didn't mean to make you feel… whatever."

It was hard to even begin to understand exactly how he was feeling at his wife's blatant lack of willingness to accept any form of his help. Stubbornness was one of those many things he hated, and yet loved about his wife.

"The full body scanner is free. I think she's stable enough to move." Meredith called out, re-entering the trauma room, mobile phone in hand.

"Call us when you have the scans." Derek told Alex, stepping back from the bedside, proceeded by Callie. "Nothing more we can do until then."

Jackson glanced sideways at April, before returning to an upright position, snapping off both gloves and his gown. "We'll talk later." He told April as he passed, following Callie and Derek back into the bustling ER.

*/\*

The sun was settling across the Seattle skyline as April emerged from the OR. It was possibly some ungodly hour of the morning, around the end of her shift she hoped. The last few hours had been extremely gruelling, leaving every muscle in her back, legs, arms and shoulders sore and stiff. Returning home to her bed, sleeping beside her husband for the next few hours before she returned for another night shift, was all she could think about as she slipped along the corridors in search of Jackson.

In her tired state, making sense of the events of the night, were proving difficult. Although she did know she was possibly going to be in some sort of trouble. Ignoring protocol completely, she had gone against the advice of her fellow surgeon and had done it anyway. Despite everything she had gone through personally, and how tired she had been from controlling the stream of blood in the patient's abdomen for the last hour, it had been the right choice. She knew this and planned to explain this as so. Yet first, she needed to tell Jackson and then they needed to go home, safe in the knowledge she had finally found the clarity she had been searching for.

"He's in the CT scanner." Owen piped up, noting a drained, pale looking April. She was stood in the lobby, not far from the lifts with a confused look in her features. He had heard about the events of the evening and knew without doubt, she was almost possibly too tired to function on the correct level. With a smile, she nodded to her mentor and friend and pushed her legs, allowing them to carry her in the direction of the scanner. Sure enough, her husband sat staring intently at the screen before him, studying something with such concentration.

Quietly slipping in, she sat beside him and allowed him a moment before she spoke. "What time is it?"

Turning in his chair, Jackson smiled as he caught sight of April beside him. Quickly he noted her matted hair, sunken eyes and dried lips. "Hi beautiful... Heavy night?"

She nodded, tipping her head a little and smiling softly at her husband. "I… I just delivered a baby."

The words were so casual. Jackson had to offer her a confused expression before she nodded and he realised he had indeed heard her right. "The Jane Doe baby? What? Why?"

"I don't even know how it happened. One minute we were operating and the next… I was cutting her womb open. Alex was shouting at me, telling me to wait for the OBGYN but… but she wasn't there and I needed to do it." April stuttered, trying to explain the enormity of the events that had unfolded in the OR. Still she was struggling to grasp any of it. What had quite made her snap, pick up the scalpel and starting cutting, was still a mystery. For most of the night, she had been spending as a little time as possible involved with the care of the baby. Then she was there, preforming an unplanned but necessary C-section.

"Why didn't you wait for the OBGYN? God, Hunt is going to kill you." Jackson shot back, struggling with the news himself. When he had left the operating room, they had been suctioning blood and hanging clotting factor, not preforming a C-section. Even though he knew the baby was in some sort of distress, he wasn't quite sure how this had led to April bringing the new life into the world. Disregarding, of course, the fact she had pretty much stamped all over almost every protocol in the hospital.

A little hurt, April felt her lower lip slip into a pout. "I thought you'd be pleased. I'm cured." She almost joked. Clearly sarcasm was technique she employed when tired.

Jackson sighed, rubbing his left eye, still visibly unsure. "April, I… I'm happy. God, I'm overjoyed… you managed to deliver a baby, with virtually no OBGYN experience, and mom and baby are well but still… April, Hunt could have your ass for this."

"Trust you to be more concerned about the hospital than your wife." She spluttered in return. More often than not, her husband's involvement in the running of their work environment was the source of great contention in their marriage. Is affiliation with the board and close working relationship with his mother and with Owen Hunt, provided a deep routed level of support for it, when sometimes April just wanted him to hate it with her.

"April, don't act like you're mad with me over this. You know I'm talking sense." He battled back, unwilling to let her continue to believe that this could possibly end well.

Taking to her feet, April stood before him with one hand on her hip. Did he really not get where any of this was going? Even if the sudden need to take charge was not with reason, the conscious choice she made not to let her emotion end the life of a patient was evident.

"I wasn't going to let her die Jackson, and the baby too. I knew if we got the baby out, we had a better chance at saving her… and now she's ok, she's in recovery and will probably make it to see her daughter graduate college!"

Looking upward at his wife, Jackson noticed the sudden colour change in her cheeks. She was truly intent on turning this into a battle it seemed. "April, I don't want to argue with you. I'm proud of you, and support you no matter what you know that."

April simply rolled her eyebrows in silent protest. If that were true, she asked herself, it didn't seem logical why he would be missing the bigger picture despite the fact it was staring him in the face. The events of the night had proved something to her, and she had wanted them to prove to her husband also. She knew her depression was being managed well, and the counselling sessions were also helping, so making such a huge choice to throw herself in at the deep end without thought was surely the final piece of the puzzle? Screw protocol. She was no longer broken and scared to ever think of pregnancy or children.

"Jackson, tonight proved something to me, even if I had to break protocol to make that happen." She told him, her voice a little quieter now. He was right, they didn't need to argue, considering just how tired and irritable the night shift had made them.

"What?" He asked, clearly confused.

"I'm getting better, Jackson. A month ago, I was emotional and useless. I couldn't even look a baby without it crying." She began, choosing now to return to her seat opposite her husband. "But tonight, something happened… the part of me that was still broken saw something… something much worse than what I went through. A woman almost lost her baby, and her own life, and still… still, she fought hard and now she's there, with miles to go before she'll be able to cope with her baby alone but she pulled through. Even in the darkest hour of her life, she grappled with the balance between life and death and she won… That's why I did what I did, Jackson. I needed to do it to win my own fight."

Jackson sat for a moment, somewhat stunned by the revelation April had just shared with him. How could it have not been that clear from the start, he pondered watching her? Although it was a great deal to take in, as it processed slowly, it almost all seemed to make sense to him. Was that something marriage, and loving a person indefinitely enabled you to do? He wasn't sure. Yet he was glad.

Breaking slowly into a soft, tender smile, he eased out a hand toward April, which she took with some trepidation. Raising it to his lips, he pressed a light kiss to her fingers and squeezed them tightly. "You amaze me." He almost whispered.

April was now smiling too, watching her husband as he expressed his love for her. "Like you said, together we'd make it… and we will, because I'll get better. We'll be us again."

"April Avery, there isn't a time in our lives I can foresee, when we won't ever not be _us_."


	6. Chapter 6

Needed some pure fluff and a cheeky bit of flirting/smut after the last couple of updates. Don't want it all be angsty Japril. This is a filler one shot thing really but there will be more gritty stuff to come, I promise.

Enjoy!

**Month Six**

'_Six months already. I love you more every day. Jackson xxx_'

"Ooh, roses… what did he do?" Christina asked, teasing the red head as she sidled up beside her. She smirked as April rolled her eyes and replaced the decorative bunch back onto the nursing station. "Seriously, why the roses?" She asked, flitting her eyes between the flowers and younger surgeon. She really knew how to push April's buttons. "Fine I'll read the card then." She added, defeated by April's silence, reaching over to retract the small square from the bunch. As her eyes skimmed the words, she wrinkled her nose before replacing it. "Ok that's made me want to throw up a little in my mouth."

"I'll see you later, Christina." April mumbled, noting Ross crossing the lobby wearing a wide grin. No doubt he had come to whisk his mentor away with news of important Harper-Avery worthy work to discuss as a matter of importance. She didn't even care how bitter she sounded in her head.

"So you got your flowers then?" A familiar voice said, abruptly stopping behind April and jutting his jaw over her shoulder, to whisper in her ear. "I thought you deserved something almost as equally as beautiful as yourself."

April's lips broke into a wide smile, turning quickly to come face to face with Jackson. It no longer surprised her that her heart would skip a beat every time their eyes connected. She wasn't sure she was ever going to tire of the same feeling every time they saw one and other. "I did. They are extremely beautiful… thank you." She replied.

"You deserve them because you're you… and because you've coped so well over the last couple of months. I wanted to show you I'm proud of my wife." He continued, brushing over the events of the last few weeks lightly. It was still tender, maybe it would always be, but for now it was the past and it was time to celebrate their future.

"I don't need flowers for me to know you're proud of me." April told him, with an absent mind, reaching out a hand and placing it on his arm. It was such a simple and yet tender gesture toward the man she loved, that caused his heart to swell just a little more. It was already at risk of bursting, past its capacity he was sure.

"What about dinner instead then? Say nine, after my shift has ended?"

April twisted her mouth into a strange shape, and he was already certain of what her response was going to be. "Jackson I…" She started.

"You're going to be in surgery, right?" It was hard to ignore the clear disappoint in his tone. This was just a repeat of similar episodes over the last few weeks. It was becoming a regular thing that she would turn down something to work. Quite honestly? It infuriated him.

"I would have loved to, Jackson but you know, Hunt is really riding my ass after what happened last month with Jane Doe." She tried to explain. It was almost like she had scolded her son, taking in the nonchalant expression he was offering to her. Why did he always make her feel so bad for saying no? After all, he was a surgeon too. Could he not just learn to accept they had to plan life round work, and not the other way around?

"We could have dinner tomorrow, instead? I get off work at six."

"Hmm." He responded with clear lack of interest. "Depends on work I suppose."

"Jackson." She tried, reaching out to touch his arm again. This time her tender gesture was not as warmly received.

"I'll see you later." He simply told her, turning on his heel and heading off towards the elevators.

Watching him go, April sighed and quietly chided herself for letting him get away with such a childish response. It was one of the many annoying qualities she knew about her husband, despite loving him so dearly. Turning back to the nursing station, she collected a stack of charts and tried to fain interest at the sheets on top.

"It'll be you buying him the roses soon." Christina cut back in, returning from the opposite side of the lobby, from which she had clearly been watching them.

"Haven't you better things to do with your time, Christina?" April quipped, not allowing her eyes to leave the chart as the cardiothoracic surgeon returned to the station.

Cackling, she leant her back against the curve of the station edge and bit nosily into an apple she had clearly received from somewhere. It took every ounce of April's resolve not to jam the juicy fruit down her throat.

*/\*

"I'm home." Jackson called out, coming through the front door and closing it quietly. Slipping of his jacket and shoes, he placed them neatly by the entrance and dropped his satchel besides them. It was around 11:30, and he was late he knew that, but he wasn't expecting to receive a response from his wife. Hunt had kept her until around midnight most nights, quite obviously gaining from her extra work as a consequence for her actions the previous month. He knew he shouldn't have been pissed at her for saying yes, as she really hadn't a choice in the matter, but something just seemed to grind his gears about the lack of time they seemed to be spending together outside of the hospital.

Passing through the kitchen, in which time he collected a beer from the fridge, he headed for the bedroom to grab a shower. Surgery had ran long, he was aching and stiff and he knew a shower was the perfect cure. It would possibly also be the best place to be when his wife returned him, if he was still awake. His response earlier to her inability to meet with his plans, had possibly been the foundation of an argument.

Yet as he neared the bedroom, in order to reach the shower, the sound of soft music and scented candles caught his attention.

"April?" He called out, pushing open the bedroom door gingerly. "WOW."

It was his hard to believe it was his own wife stood before him the centre of the bedroom; wearing just his favourite set of her underwear – pink and black lace with a hint of frills – and heels with her silk wrap, she was the picture of perfection. He noted the hair she had worn so tightly in a bun to work, was now loose with auburn curls that framed her face. She had also taken the time to apply gentler make up, with a rose tint to her cheeks and gloss to her lips. The smell of her signature rosewood and pine mixture also lingered in the air.

"Special occasion?" He asked with a cheeky tint to his tone, standing in the doorway, eagerly observing her as she leant casually against the dresser.

"I was waiting for the delivery man… I ordered pizza and then realised I had no cash to pay." She replied, eyeing him playfully as she teased with a fantasy he had told her of in the past. It was hard to believe something so simple could have her husband in such a frenzy of need and desire.

"Shame… it's only me, your tired, overworked husband who was expecting a shower and a beer in front of the game."

April stretched her lips into a playful grin and bit her lip, knowing this was one of the small things Jackson could not resist. The tension that seemed to fill him with this was duly noted. "How about you don't see the game, don't have that beer and forget about that shower?" She asked him, slowly advancing toward him in the doorway with confidence as her hips swung. "I think we have some making up to do."

"Hmm." He responded quietly, not daring to take his eyes away from April as she stopped before him. "So you decided your husband was more important than work after all… what did you tell Hunt?"

"That I had something I had to _do _back at home." She told him, emphasising the eighth word of the sentence to create a sultry pun.

It did not go unnoticed by Jackson, who flicked his lips with his tongue with eager anticipation. "I think that can be arranged."

Within seconds, he had grabbed April's waist and hoicked her legs around his own, allowing her to grip him tightly as their lips crashed together. It was a frenzied moment of raw desire, both of them clearly forgetting their disagreement earlier in the day in favour of make-up sex. Driven by lust, Jackson turned and pressed her to the door, too needy to carry her over to the bed just a metre or so behind them. Pushing his groin into April's leg, he grinned as he felt her entire body convulse for just a moment, clearly enticed by the sensation.

In a break between a kiss, both gasping for just one breathe, Jackson moved his lips to her ear and murmured softly. "Better than work?"

April groaned, swallowing as the vibration penetrated her lips. "So much better."


	7. Chapter 7

**Month Seven**

"I feel sick." April groaned, dropping into the empty seat besides Alex.

"Pfft." He snorted, noting her arrival with notable distain. "Join the club."

"What's your problem?" She asked, narked by Alex's tone. It was hard not to also take a moment's peak at what was happening in the OR below. _Damn! _She silently cursed to herself.

"Oh nothing." Alex replied, rolling his eyes and readjusting his arms across the chest. He had a real way of riling April when he wanted to. He thrived from knowing she wouldn't settle until she got the right answer. He was spoiling for it today.

"Clearly something, or _someone_, has annoyed you." She told him knowingly. It was as though she didn't know already, but she did. It was the talk of the hospital, of course he knew. It was clearly the reason he was trying to remain so nonchalant.

"I'm guessing you're a little pissed about the whole surgery thing, you know… with Catherine Avery." She pushed, knowing him enough to know he would eventually snap. Why was she so intent on goading him? It wasn't to make him jealous, as would normally be the case. There wasn't any worse way she could have been spending her afternoon, in her opinion. Yes, Catherine had invited her to participate in a pretty radical surgery but why couldn't she help but think, it was just another way to get under her daughter-in-law's skin.? Pushing Alex in this was sort of helping to take her mind off what was happening. Watching his mouth twitch, she knew she had pushed his buttons.

"It's not the surgery I'm pissed at." He said matter of factly, continuing to watch the scene unfolding beneath them. "It's the principal."

"And what do you mean by that?" She asked confused. It was clear he was unhappy but she clearly did understand exactly what he had meant by his reply. The principal?

"It's nothing." He pouted, fiddling mindlessly with the tassels on his scrubs as they descended into silence for a moment or two.

"No… tell me." She demanded, eager to know just exactly why her friend was giving her the cold shoulder. They weren't close, by any standards, in fact Alex found April incredibly annoying and April thought Alex was a self-indulged know it all, but they were friends… on a sort of level.

Alex sighed, sitting up a little straighter in his chair and turned his head a little to capture April in his vision. "It's just unfair that's all. Everyone here has these family ties with amazing surgeons and visionaries in medicine… and I have nothing like that. I was a trash can kid."

"I didn't grow up in a fifteen bed mansion you know." April retorted, raising her eyebrow.

"No! But you married a man who did! Forgodsake April, you're an Avery now… and Meredith grew up with Ellis Grey as a mom, who happens to now be married to Derek freaking Shepard! And don't even get me started on how many famous surgeons Christina has charmed into her pants!"

"I'm gonna puke." She cut across suddenly. Damn! He was right. She was an Avery now, part of one of the biggest names in medicine... Crap!

Leaning forward in her chair, she tried to fit her head between her knees, breathing in slow and steady. She had used the manoeuvre some many times as a kid to calm her nerves. Why wasn't it working now?

"I don't get how you can be freaking out about this." Alex told her.

"Seriously?" April asked, a clear sarcastic tone evident in her words.

Alex arched an eyebrow in concern but choosing to reply. "Although it annoys me… the whole family thing you got going on… it's pretty cool, in a weird way."

"Jeez Alex, thanks." April retorted, easing herself into a more seated position as she too took in the scene below, from where they sat in the gallery. "I feel much better."

"April," He snorted, sensing the distain in her tone. "It could be worse… It is actually strangely cool. You're part of the Avery family, with Catherine as your mother-in-law, who is actually a kick ass surgeon and Webber, the Chief of surgery as your sort of father-in-law. And… you're married to man with awesome genes… if I do say so myself."

April rolled her eyes. "You make it all sound so... lovely."

Alex offered a small laugh before taking to his feet, feeling at his pocket as the pager he held vibrated gently. "You have a great deal to be thankful for."

"You're forgetting the Chief fired me not say many years ago!" She called as he exited the gallery. "And that his mother hates me!"

"She doesn't hate you." Jackson cut across, suddenly appearing at the side of his wife in the gallery, taking the seat Alex had just departed from. Noting that she had heard, turning to find him with a smile, he added. "She just hates the idea of you as my wife. No one was ever going to be good enough."

April sighed and turned back to the scene below, quite naturally interested in the surgery despite knowing what awaited her after it had finished. "You two are doing great jobs of making me less nervous." She answered quietly, referencing Alex also.

"April, just stop over thinking it." Jackson told her, perching in a now vacant seat behind her chair, his hand finding her shoulder for comfort. "I honestly think she's still more pissed at me, than she is at you."

April nodded, lifting her own hand to find his fingers. "We'll see about that."

*/\*

"Nice of you to join us, Doctor Kepner." Catherine Avery drawled, wiping her hands feverishly on the provided sterile towel, watching as her daughter-in-law proceeded to do the same. "Or is it Doctor Avery now? Hmm, that may get a little confusing in the OR."

Dropping her towel into the waiting hands of the scrub nurse, April mustered a sort of smile and bit back on the annoyance lacing the words in her head. "No… Doctor Kepner is fine thank you."

"Sorry we're late." Came the voice of Jackson as he entered the OR behind April. Doctor Webber was hanging in the younger surgeon's shadow.

"Don't worry baby… Richard. Now you're all here, we can start." Catherine told them with a sweet smile that began to make April's stomach churn.

It was not unnoticed by April how Catherine had not bothered to show her annoyance with her son or 'boyfriend'. It was clear that from this moment, she was going to be public enemy number one when it came to the older woman… maybe she could shrink into the crowd of eager students willing to learn? Surely this surgery did not require the hands of four surgeons? No matter how new and under-used the procedure was. Maybe…

"Doctor Kepner, would you like to open?" Catherine asked suddenly, snapping April from her plans as the sound of the older woman's voice. It was clear she wasn't going to get out of it that easily.

"I'm sure she would, mom." Jackson piped up with a smile before turning his attention to April, offering her a stern look. She knew this was a way her husband was trying to get her to agree.

"I erm… I don't know the procedure. It's yours and I don't feel comfortable doing something new like this." April replied with a weak, forced smile. Part of that was true, she didn't know the procedure but showing she was weak despite her trauma experience, was surely a way for her to shrink silently into the background once the surgery begun.

"No, no I insist." Catherine replied, her tone laced with an underside of smugness. She was clearly making her daughter-in-law squirm.

"April." Chief Webber goaded, with what she felt was the most encouraging of smiles she had seen so far this afternoon. He, of course, was oblivious to Catherine's tactics. Although his 'girlfriend' had always made her dislike towards Jackson's marriage known, April knew she would never make her actual dislike to prominent. It was just subtle enough for the younger woman to feel the affect, also leaving even Jackson completely blindsided.

With a deep breath, she carved the warmest smile she could muster into her lips, and stepped forward with an outstretched hand. "Ten blade please." She instructed with confidence, just catching Catherine's smirk as she flicked her eyes back to the awaiting patient before her on the table.

*/\*

Stretching the muscles in her back sometime later, April groaned before allowing her entire body to go soft against the couch cushions. Closing her eyes briefly for a moment, the events of the last few hours returned to her mind. It had been the longest surgery she felt she had ever had to endure; not because of time or difficulty with the patient, but with simply battling with the wits of Catherine Avery.

It had been no stop questioning for around two hours. Topics ranged from school and home life, to goals as a surgeon before coming full circle, right back to the moment during the first year of her marriage, that they had discussed future children. Here Catherine could sense she had hit a nerve with the red head, pushing and pushing until finally the truth about the miscarriage had spilled out in the busy room. That was the moment April knew she had had enough.

"_Why didn't you tell me?" Catherine asked, casting her eyes accusingly in her son's direction._

"_Because it was nobody's business but ours." April replied, not even leaving a moment's room for Jackson to speak._

"_Richard, did you know about this?" Catherine asked, turning her head to Webber who shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. _

"_Like I said, it was nobody's business."_

"_I'm Jackson's mom… he could have told me." Catherine tried to argue, her eyes now fixed on April, whose cheeks blushed with a fiery distaste. _

"_I spent over a month getting myself back to normal after it happened. Telling YOU was not a priority." _

_Catherine scoffed, replacing an instrument on the surgical field to pause for a moment, her attention now solely on her daughter-in-law. "It's like you're trying to purposefully keep me out of your marriage." _

"_Ha!" April shot back, now deeply intent on offering the truth to his mother-in-law. "Out of our marriage? Our marriage has nothing to do with you! I'll gladly keep you out if it!"_

"_April!" Jackson said loudly, interrupting the fiery debate between the two women in his life for a moment. The steely look she offered to him said all she needed to in that moment._

Not long after the argument started, April removed her gown and gloves and fled the room. Too much truth had spilled out. She had finally said everything she had been thinking since she had married to Jackson, that she knew she should never say. Yet Catherine had insisted on pushing and pushing until there was no resolve to keep the peace left. It was time she knew just how April felt, although she was not entirely expecting Jackson to offer a hand to his mother in the midst of their argument.

When she had envisaged how married life would be, this was not it. Having been close to her own mother as she has grown up, there was an expectation she would form a close bond with her husband's mom also. Even though she had heard stories of mother-in-law's from hell, she didn't seem to want to believe she would receive one. The thought of Catherine Avery taking on this role almost seemed too good to be true… clearly it was. No other woman had her riled like Catherine did, not even Christina when she was happily ripping apart to the sanity of her friends. It was almost enough to allow April to say she hated Catherine. Of course, she knew that she never could however. She was married to Jackson, Catherine's one and only son, her everything… it was just over-protectiveness she told herself instead.

"April."

The sound of her husband's voice caused April to look upward. He was stood in the doorway to the attending's lounge, leaning against the frame, theatre scrub mask hanging loosely around his neck. He seemed tired, also a little ashen faced. Maybe it had been an even longer surgery than expected?

"Jackson, I don't want to argue or even talk about it." She told him bluntly. Today was not one she wanted to repeat and dissect in her current state. She certainly did not want to pick a fight with him, which she knew she was spoiling. God, she was pissed at him for taking his mother's side.

"No, I…" He trailed off, easing himself into the room and dropping unceremoniously beside her on the couch. Blinking quickly, he swallowed the lump in his throat and tried to steady his rapid breathing. "I…"

"Jackson?" She questioned, nothing just how grey he seemed under the harsh lights of the room. Something was certainly amiss with him.

"It's my mom, April." He seemed to breath, causing all the air in the moment to evaporate between them.

"What happened?" She asked with panic in her tone. Yes, she couldn't stand the woman but she was his mother, and not even she could be as callous as to lack concern.

"Af-after surg-gery, my mom..." He stuttered, clearly dazed by all that had happened. "She collapsed with chest pain… Yang has her in the CCU."

"Oh, Jackson." April gasped, instantly reaching out to capture her husband in her arms as he fell against her body like a led weight. The sensation of tears began to seep through her scrub top but she didn't seem to care. Clutching him as he began to sob, she felt her heart break and instantly the events of the day were washed away by uncertainty.

"April, I'm scared she isn't going to make it."

"Ssh." April soothed, holding him close and rocking them gently, not really knowing what else she could do.


	8. Chapter 8

**Month Eight**

_Tring! Tring!_

April groaned, grinded her teeth a little as she slept intently. As her head had hit the pillows a few hours previously, it was almost an instant release to be home and the comfort of her own Egyptian cotton. Spending the last few days sleeping in fits in starts, cocooned in the thin, worn sheets of the nearest on-call room, had seriously been causing her joints and her sleeping pattern some grief.

_Tring! Tring!_

"Jackson." She mumbled subconsciously, thrashing over onto her back. A simple, light sound kept penetrating her ears. Was it a dream or was it something else? Touching her husband's bare back, she groaned once more, her eyes slowly blinking as they eased open into the blackness. He wasn't going to respond, it seemed.

_Tring! Tring!_

This time it was almost definitely a noise that was more certainly not part of any dream.

Gaining her balance in the darkness of the bedroom, April stood from the sheets and slipped on her robe. She knew exactly where they noise was coming from. Padding across the bedroom, familiar of the route without any sort of light to guide her, April eased herself into the living area and across the apartment towards the second, smaller bedroom.

_Tring! Tring!_

"Yes, I'm coming." She grumbled, pushing open the door to find Catherine Avery hunched over the side of the bed, at sudden risk of any moment toppling to the floor. Dashing forwards with panic, she fell to her knees and pulled her arms around the torso of the older woman. "Catherine, please! What have we told you about trying to get out of bed yourself?"

"I've had heart surgery, April… I'm not an invalid." Catherine shot back, allowing April to ease her to a standing position. Her voice was hoarse, and every orifice of her body seemed to ache, but she was still not going to allow her daughter-in-law to label her as infirm.

"Besides, I rang four times before you bothered to answer me. Was I supposed to wait until I wet myself?"

April rolled her eyes and sighed softly, steadying Catherine's shoulders as they edged out of the bedroom towards the bathroom. "Let's just get you to the bathroom."

This had been a nightly occurrence for the past three weeks for April. Annoyingly, Jackson seemed to sleep through all sounds, including that of the shrill ring of the call bell his mother had or the sound of her shouts as she waited to be answered. Not that Catherine would have allowed him to give her assistance when he was awake, of course. For the last week, April had been busy with work, unable to be at home to assist Catherine with her daily needs. So to help, they had had to hire a nurse, despite Jackson sleeping in the next room every single one of those nights. Now she was home again, the nurse was gone and it was back to April's job, once more getting barely enough sleep to pass through the day.

The afternoon it had been decided Catherine would stay with them after her surgery, was still fresh in the younger woman's mind. It was around two weeks after the surgery, as Catherine grappled with the idea she would not be able to manage sufficiently if she returned home alone. It was at first decided a full time nurse would receive employment, but of course, Jackson was not prepared to let this happen. It was that moment the one suggestion April had been dreading, was brought loudly into the mix and Catherine confidently made her decision that this would be the best. Her supposed partner, Richard, didn't even seem to make the cut. So, April resigned herself to the belief that it was simply another way for her mother-in-law to interfere in her son's marriage.

"Can you manage?" April asked, watching as Catherine grabbled with her night shirt. Catherine simply snorted but did not respond, causing April to groan and turn to face the wall as Catherine organised herself in a graceful manner. It was clear neither of them wanted this but of course, Catherine seemed to be gaining satisfaction from annoying the hell out of April, and April was not willing to allow herself to admit defeat just yet, no matter how testing Catherine chose to be.

After some grappling, and a moment of uncertainty of her legs, April finally managed to assist Catherine back from the bathroom and into bed. Throwing the sheets back over the older woman, April mustered a small smile and dimmed the light beside the bed. "Anything else I can get for you, whilst I'm here?"

"No, I'm fine… thank you." Catherine managed. April knew the last word of the sentence had certainly been an afterthought.

With a nod, April turned and left the room, dispelling a hefty breath of air as she reached the couch in the living area. Dropping into its welcoming comfort, she pulled across a comforter and switched on the TV set, barely registering the old black and white movie as it played quietly to an uninterested audience. "Sleep." She grumbled, feeling her eyes flutter gently as her head found a spare cushion. There wasn't any point in going back to bed, too worried she might wake her husband who had surgery in the morning, and knowing it wouldn't be long before her alarm sounded anyway. It was comfy here, besides.

"April."

The soft sound of her husband's voice allowed her eyes to ease open once more. It had been barely ten minutes since she had settled. Yet she couldn't be annoyed with him, sat beside her in the gap, rubbing his eyes sleepily with the backs of his hands.

"Sorry, were you sleeping?" He asked, a little worried he had woken her. He had sensed her leave the bed but not return, so naturally felt a little worried.

"I just got your mom back to bed." She grumbled in a sleepy voice, twisting under the comforter to get a better look at him. It was then she noticed he had come to her without his shirt.

"Trying to climb out of bed again?" He asked, well aware of the demands his mother seemed to be placing on his wife. The limits of her patient astounded him.

April nodded. "She wanted to use the bathroom."

"I'm sorry she's still here, still keeping you awake." He told her, his expression filled with concern at the obvious signs of tiredness in his wife's features. "I think we should get the nurse back full time…. Or I'll have to help. You have to work tomorrow, it's not fair."

April shook her head against the pillow and rubbed her left eye. "She won't hear of it… the nurse or of you helping her. I think she's doing it to test me, see how far I'll go before I snap."

For once Jackson did not protest at this explanation of his mother's character. The fact she had taken permanent residence in their apartment for the last few weeks, had been a real eye opener to her son. The first thing he had done was apologise to April about what had happened in the OR the day Catherine had taken ill; he could see now just what his wife meant about his mom's feelings towards the younger surgeon. She didn't seem to be making it any less obvious now she was living under the roof, and being taken care of full time by April. Although, he still did not of course, have the heart to ask when she planned on leaving.

"I couldn't ask for a better wife, you know." He told her instead, offering a warm smile filled with the love he felt toward her. In the dim light, without make up and with the after effect of little sleep, he could still not help but notice how beautiful she looked to him.

"Better nurse made you mean." She retorted, although a slight teasing faltered in her voice. Tonight she could not even continue to be mad at him for agreeing to his mother's stay in their home. He took her breath away with each lingering moment they spent like this.

"No, seriously," He coaxed, easing his hand across the divide between them and resting it lightly on her covered thighs. "You have been amazing since mom came to stay. I mean it… look at you. Its god knows what time and you're half asleep on the sofa, having helped her to the toilet for the third time tonight. You have surgery in the morning, need to be awake at 6am and you won't moan… you don't make a sound."

April smiled, taken by his words that were filled with such tenderness. For a change, it felt nice to hear verbalised feelings of how wonderful she was to him. They seemed to have petered a little recently, not that she really could blame him. The last few months of marriage had been tough by anyone's standards, now even more so considering the anguish and uncertainty of the last few weeks. Yet it was nice to be here now, in this moment alone, languishing over just how much they still adored and loved one and other.

"I do these things because I love you, Jackson." She told him, matter of factly. It was true, of course, no matter how riled Catherine had her.

"And I love you." He replied. "I have no idea how I would have gotten through the last few weeks without you."

April had, indeed, been his tower of strength and support. The events of _that _day in surgery were long forgotten in the moment he had come to tell her about his mother. How could she remain cold toward him when he needed her the most? Even her feelings towards Catherine softened a little at the sight of her in the hospital bed, connected to this machine and that drip. It was the one of those few times in her life she knew she needed to step up. No longer was the news of her miscarriage or Catherine's need to interfere in her's and Jackson's marriage, of any meaning. It almost reminded her of the only other notable moment in her life she had felt such need to forget everything else, to only focus on the one thing that felt most important over everything else.

"_Jackson, I want you."_

"_April, you're getting married."_

"_Unless you can give me a reason not to."_

"_You're getting married." _

That time in her life seemed so distant. Not that it should considering it had all lead to this, to her marriage to Jackson. It was the first time, however, she knew she had ever felt so powerful and filled with clarity. Just how she had felt the moment Jackson had come to her, tears in his eyes, in need of her support when he was faced with the possibility of losing the other most important woman in his life. All she had had to do was see him, and imagine just how different and yet the same it would have been, if it had been her in his shoes.

Smiling, she eased herself forward and pressed the lightest of kisses to his left cheek. "You'' always have me to count on… you know that, right?"

Jackson's lips curved into a deep smile and he nodded, his hands now reaching for April's cheeks with a need to continue their closeness. "And me for you."

"We'll be happy and we'll be together always, right until we're one hundred and one, with no teeth and grey hair." She grinned, lit from within at the thought of the life that stretched before them. Catherine in their home, interfering in the marriage would soon be a thing of the past she knew.

_Tring! Tring!_

April groaned, pressing his forehead against his, as Jackson supressed a small laugh. "Again?"

After a moment, Jackson took to his feet leaving April a little unsure. "I'll go… you need to sleep."

"Jackson, she won't like it."

He shrugged, reaching down to organise her pillow and the comforter. "Sleep. She'll get over it."

Tired, and worn down just from the gleam in her husband's eyes, she nodded and allowed him to leave her side. It didn't take long for the fluttering to return to her heavy eyelids, listening to the light noise coming from the bedroom. She knew Catherine was protesting, and she knew Jackson was telling her he wasn't going to listen, that April needed to sleep and he was capable of doing whatever his wife could do. Not that, for a change, April was really interested.


	9. Chapter 9

**Month Nine**

Blinking against the stream of sunshine, spilling in through the gap in the curtains, Jackson felt himself begin to groan inwardly.

It mustn't have been much later than 4, he deduced that from the warmth radiating around the room and he knew it was almost time to return to work. Of course, he hadn't slept a great deal, despite crashing into the mattress around eight hours previous. And what he had been afforded was light and fractured. He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to drag his body through another night in the ER, and through another few surgeries, no matter the size or work load involved. It almost felt like he was riding on a rollercoaster, barely afforded time to recapture his composure before the next loop approached them.

Stifling a yawn, he stretched the muscles in his back and shoulders across the mattress. It was at that very moment he noted the cool of the sheets beneath his skin. The last time had checked, April had been sleeping beside him and yet now she was nowhere to be seen? It did not make sense to him, considering the hour and the fact, she too, had endured a rather rough night in the ER and OR.

"April?" He called, sitting upright and leaning himself backwards against the headboard. "Babe, are you here?"

Silence, however, seemed to prevail, causing the young male to question himself and his wife's ability to leave without his knowledge.

With a sigh, and hefty amount of effort, he clambered from the sheets and grabbed his wife, pulling it on as he led himself into the kitchen of their apartment. It was here a noted a half empty glass of fresh juice and abandoned bagel. His wife's purse and jacket also remained by the door, a little more dishevelled than usual. She was still here it seemed.

"April, where are you?" He continued to probe, edging now toward the bathroom and peaking his head round the propped open door. Still she was nowhere to be seen.

Yet as he padded across from the bathroom, toward the second bedroom of their home, he noted this door also remained ajar and the scent of lavender filled his senses. "April?" He spoke again, pushing open the bedroom door and resting his eyes on his wife, in possibly the strangest of positions he had seen her before this moment. "What are you doing in here?" He asked, stepping more into the room now.

"Jackson, ssshhh." She scolded in a quiet voice, still on her knees with her hands clasped together at her chest, eyes shut tight.

"Are you praying?" He asked, clearly with some amusement in his tone.

Blinking against the grey of the room, lit by only the small candle burning on the small table she had set up by the back wall, April prised open her eyes and turned to catch sight of her husband. "I was."

Noting the annoyance in her tone, Jackson shrugged in response to his wife's retort.

"I wasn't expecting to find you here when I woke up, that's all."

"I thought I'd make use of the space." She told him, turning back to the flickering candle and small wooden cross before her. "After your mum being here, this room seems like a waste."

Jackson nodded, to himself more than anything, and continued to watch April for a few moments; he was marvelling at the ease she seemed to enthuse as she sat before the religious paraphernalia, something he never had been. Despite having been brought up surrounded by the importance of faith, in his personal and professional worlds, he was not a man that had ever been tempted by the guidance of another, whom some would say did not physically exist besides. He had always been a man of his own leadership, power and belief, much to the disapproval of his _very _Jewish mother and extended family.

"Is there something else I can help you with?" April asked him, noting his presence still behind her despite her eyes now closed once more. She did not like to be watched when she was in the midst of such a private moment.

"No, I erm… I'll just go and make dinner." He replied, taking a moment to drink in one last image of his wife, before he left the room and returned to the kitchen.

*/\*

"This smells amazing." April enthused, taking the second empty beside Jackson with clear eagerness. "I'm starving."

Jackson nodded and smiled, although not fully immersed by his wife's light and airy tone. The image of her sat before the cross with the candle earlier that evening, was still very much with him; though there was no definite reason, it seemed to have stuck with him and he could not shake the nagging feelings in the back of his mind. It was obvious the entire situation had brought on question and uncertainty. How could he not have noted just how glaring a handful of the severe difference were? He supposed he had been blinded by friendship when they had first met. Not once had he questioned her religion then, like he seemed to doing with himself at this very moment.

"Are you ok? You're quiet." She noted, twirling a forkful of spaghetti into position with ease. Maybe he was just tired? She knew she was. Jackson nodded, wiping his fork around in his dish, quiet unconvincingly. "Yeah, and I'm a pop-star!" April told him with a light tone, clearly not mislead by his apparent agreement. "I know you, Jackson Avery. Is something a matter?"

Jackson contemplated the question for a moment. Was he ok? Was something a matter? He wasn't sure if what had been clouding his thoughts, were even a relevant thing to discuss over a pasta dish before a night shift. Deep down, he knew there were things that did not need to be said, and things that should have been said before they spoke of their commitment to one and other in a marriage ceremony. Should he say them now? She was his wife, after all.

Putting down his fork, he sighed and turned himself a little to face April. "Does it bother you how different we are?" He asked her. This was a better way to approach the situation, right? He could ask, be told an answer, without fear of inciting a riot, surely?

"In what sense?" April queried, unsure of what her husband was asking of her.

"I… the whole religion thing for starters. Did we anger God when you decided to marry a Jewish boy?" He asked her, faltering against his own need for honesty now the question had been asked. "Nothing has exactly been easy since we got married."

April scoffed, now pacing down her own fork. "Jackson, what makes you ask that? You know our religions mean nothing when it comes to why we got married."

"April, before what happened between us at the boards, your religion was everything to you."

"But when it did happen, and then we got married… my whole view of my religion changed, Jackson."

"And yet I find you praying in our spare room?"

April sighed. "I pray still. I still have some faith, Jackson… I need it sometimes… you know, when things get tough."

Jackson's eyes widened at this comment. She used her faith in God to get her through when things were tough? Was that not supposed to be his position, as her husband?

"So you have more faith in a figure of imagination, when things get tough, than your own husband?"

"Jackson, you know I didn't mean it like that… and besides, he is not a figure of my imagination. He was here for me a long time before you… before all of this."

Her final comment plunged the couple into silence, as they both contemplated everything and the direction this conversation seemed to be leading them. What had possessed Jackson to speak? Yes, he had wanted answer his burning questions but now it seemed to be coming up like word vomit, quick and free flowing. And with every word, it felt like he was plunging a knife into his young wife's heart.

"April, I-"

"Do you not respect me, Jackson? Respect my faith?"

He was wary, aching and she was now using words he did not like the sound of. Respect? It had been a huge part of their wedding vowels, besides love and commitment. "Of course, I respect every single last inch of you, April." He replied, taking to his feet and collecting his half uneaten dinner plate. "I was just curious about your belief in Jesus. That was all."

"My involvement? You make it sound like a major criminal organisation." His wife told him, evidence of attitude as she spoke. "Did you not realise this was what you were getting when we got married? I'm a Jesus freak."

Dropping his dish into the sink, Jackson turned on his heel at her words. "You are not a _Jesus Freak_." He replied, surprised and hurt by how she seemed to making him seem. "And I know exactly what I signed up to when I married you."

April whipped her head round at this. "Then why are you suddenly talking about my faith, my commitment? Do you not like the fact I pray? Or that I support something other than my marriage and my career? That I don't listen to everything my mom tells me?"

"Please." He scoffed, colour rising in his cheeks. "This is not about my mom."

"No, Jackson, it is… because just like me with God, your mom is your support and the person you turn to when things get tough. You have no right to tell me that I don't choose to rely on your when I need someone, because let's be honest Jackson, you rely on everything that your mom has taught you and wouldn't dare want to deviate from those beliefs."

April was panting heavily now, clearly overworked by the argument that had enthused between herself and her husband. Finally, nine months after they said 'I do', she had finally be afforded the luxury of the truth from her husband, and return, told him a few home truths also. The cracks that were apparent in their stupid, rushed decision to get married were more evident than they had ever been. It was clarity; Catherine Avery had been right all along to question the choices the young couple had made. Neither of them had thought it through.

*/\*

"Can I say here for a while?"

Callie and Arizona exchanged looks, surprised by the sudden appearance of April Kepner on their doorstep. The younger surgeon's puffy eyes, reddened cheeks and dishevelled appearance clearly suggested that this was not a momentary choice, and that she really did need a place to rest herself.

Standing aside, the couple allowed April to step into their home with warm smiles, eyes swimming with concern. "Did you and Jackson have a fight?" Arizona asked, taking the bags from April's hands and settling at the foot of the stairs.

"I think… I think we broke up."


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry this is short and quite crappy but I seem to have lost the way with this fic. I was unsure of how to go on so I've gone for this... hopefully you won't all want to lynch me with bricks and pitchforks! Just be patient and I'm hoping inspiration finds me for the final two months, and for the epilogue I'm hoping to write :) **

**Month Ten**

"What can I get you?"

Jackson looked up, pushing a ten dollar note across the bar. "Just a beer."

Joe nodded, slipping off to grab the desired drink of a man, who quite frankly looked as though a whiskey might have been more appropriate. Returning to the counter, he pushed the bottle toward the younger man and the note not far behind it. "On the house." He told Jackson, with a knowing nod of his head.

"Thanks man." Jackson replied with the only hint of a smile he could muster.

"No worries," Joe told him, wiping a towel over his back. "You look like you could do with a lot more besides."

Joe was right, of course. Today had been a testing one to say the least; trauma, painstakingly long surgery and drama. It was what had driven him to crave the beer he was now thoughtfully supping on, despite having to be back at the hospital in around seven hours' time. He knew he shouldn't but he needed to, wanted to even.

"I'll have a whiskey chaser too." He added suddenly, making a snap decision. The beer would not be enough to comfort the ache in his chest. It was almost as if he was waiting for his fate to be decided in a court of law.

"Meeting someone, or is this seat free?"

"My wife actually." Jackson replied, looking up as he accepted the drink from Joe. It was a surprise to be met by an unfamiliar, yet familiar face.

"Shame." The woman replied with a soft smile, her cheeks aglow from the warmth of the bar and the sensation of alcohol in her veins.

"You're Marianne right? You're a Nurse in the ER." Jackson stated, allowing her features to resonate with him. He had seen her so many times before, fleetingly in between surgery and a constant stream of trauma. She was new to the department, to the hospital in fact but she had been polite enough to introduce herself a time or two before.

"I'm impressed you managed to remember my name."

Jackson raised his eyes in mock surprise, supping from the glass in his hand. Damn, she made him sound such an ass; it was in a fleeting moment that it resonated with him, that yes he probably had been before April. Perhaps, a lot more than that before he had married even.

"I'll leave you to your drink anyway… and congrats on the wedding. I didn't know you'd gotten married." She told him with a sincere tone. It was a welcome surprise to hear someone say it, who actually had meant it. As expected, most people had not been so accepting when the news of his marriage to April had eventually seeped into the hospital corridors.

With a quick glance down at his wedding ring, still untouched on his finger, he smiled. "Thanks."

"Jackson?"

The sound of his name caused the young surgeon to whip round once more. Marianne had slipped back into the crowds, now replaced by the figure of his wife. With an awkward smile, before clearing his throat, Jackson stood quickly from his seat. "I didn't think you'd come." He told her honestly. It had crossed his mind more than once as he had sat supping at his drinks.

"The therapist said this was what we should do… this is a mutual place, without distraction." She replied with a blunt edge to her tone. It was clear she was not in the mood to deviate from the task they had been said, for now at least.

"Can I get you a drink?" Jackson asked, trying to lighten the mood but April simply shook her head. "Ok, just one for me then."

April watched silently as Jackson received a whiskey chaser from Joe, adding to the beer bottle and other empty glass before him. It seemed to quickly set her guard up upon realising he had been drinking before their meeting. Sighing, she removed her coat and took the empty bar stool beside Jackson. "This is crazy."

"What is?"

"Trying to pretend like meeting my husband in a bar, to talk about our feelings based on the instructions of a marriage counsellor is normal."

"She knows what's she's talking about, April."

"Yeah… and the 400 dollar price per hour she charges isn't the only reason she does?"

"My mom thought she was the best."

"Your mother thinks a lot of things."

"April, I'm not going to get into an argument with you about this again."

"No, wouldn't want to upset Mrs Avery would we?!" She shot back, her tone dripping with sarcasm in response to her husband's words. It truly did grind against her, the constant need he had to defend the actions of his mother when it came to their marriage. It didn't seem to matter how many times she interfered, and how wrong she always was when she did. To Jackson, Momma Avery could do no wrong, even when it came to making choices about the current tatters of their relationship.

Jackson simply rolled his eyes at the comment; why did she always have to be so childish when it came to his mom? All she was trying to do was help them, regardless of how it seemed to be portrayed in the eyes of his wife. She always made him feel like he was missing something with it came to the agenda of Catherine Avery.

"Can we change the subject?" He asked her instead. It was hard not to bite back but his mother was not the reason they had come together tonight.

"I don't even know where to begin." April told him honestly, lifting a spare beer mat between her fingers to occupy them. She had the overwhelming need to chew furiously at her nails.

"How about at the beginning, when we argued? Seems as a good a place as any." Jackson offered, taking a quick swig from his glass. It was hard to control the shake threatening his grasp around the item in his hand as he awaited her response.

April paused for a moment, holding the possibility in her head before speaking. "Maybe I will have that drink after all."

Joe nodded, hearing the request and choosing to pour April the same as he had for Jackson. He wasn't even sure that Whiskey was a wise choice for her but it seemed appropriate; whatever was going on between the young couple clearly required something strong with a heavy side of substance. "Thanks." She mumbled, accepting the glass from the silent barman who barely registered her words with a smile. It was a more a look of sympathy he was going for.

Swilling from the glass, she drained almost half before replacing it upon the bar top. She could feel her heart hammering in her ears but she didn't stop, forced by a need to ask if they could reproach a subject so tender between them. She did not know if it was right, or if she still meant what she had said to him a week or two previous to this moment. Yet, she still felt compelled to ask him, desiring his take on her request.

"Or maybe we could talk about me asking you for a divorce?"


	11. Chapter 11

Ok, I'm officially rubbish but… I somehow have eventually manage to find inspiration and make up for the crappy update you got last time. This is much longer, much more in depth and kind of follows where we are at the moment in the season with the couple…

Credit to Shonda for part of the dialogue that I have stolen for an episode, which is at the bottom of the chapter. **I OWN NOTHING!**

**Month Eleven**

Moline, Ohio had always been one of April Kepner's favourite places. With its stretching fields, idyllic expanses filled with flowers across the colour spectrum and friendly country folk, it was hard not to find her home town such a wonderful part of the world to come home to. It was even more welcoming when times were tough.

Over breakfast that morning, she found herself recalling her previous visit, almost three years previously to this very moment. Just like she had this time, she had sought comfort in the familiarity of her parent's farm and their country lifestyle. That had been back after the disaster with her boards and with Jackson. It had been a welcome relief to return here and to throw herself into the lifestyle she had endured as a teenager; early morning starts, caring for and feeding the pigs and eating the produce grown there on her parents land. It had been a chance to give her head, and her heart, time to rest. It was much needed, and much welcomed considering everything she had gone through. And whilst she had been grateful for Owen's appearance, leading her back to the success she had eventually made of herself in Seattle, sometimes she felt as if it didn't quite feel like home as it did here in Moline.

She had been back in Moline now for almost three weeks. She didn't really know why she craved for the place so much when things were tough; she sometimes felt like a homing bird who had been seat free, but still had that urge to find a way home instead of trying to fend of danger for themselves. Here in Moline she felt safe, protected even and as an added bonus, she wasn't faced with spending all her time in close proximity to her husband whom she was still fighting with. Yet she knew deep down, that she could not spend any longer here hiding out when there was still so many unattended to issues back in Seattle. That was where her home was now, her job, her friends…everything she had achieved was there, not here in Moline. It did not matter how she felt about the small part of the country or about the situation she faced when she did eventually return to Seattle.

"Do you really have to leave this morning?" Kimmie asked, interrupting her young sister's thoughts across the breakfast table.

April smiled and nodded. "I have to get back to Seattle… to work."

"And get back to Jackson?" Her sister asked, raising her eyebrows at April's lack of mention of her husband.

"Kimmie." She warned, taking to her feet and collecting her breakfast dishes. "I told you I don't want to talk about what's going on with me and Jackson."

"April, you've spent three weeks here avoiding talking about him." Kimmie retorted, taking to her own feet also and following April toward the kitchen. "You have to talk about it at some point."

Placing the dishes in the sink, April sighed and turned to face her sister, leaning against the curve of the counter top. "I can't talk about it. It drives me crazy enough thinking about it."

"Should you go back to Seattle to him, if you don't really know how you feel… considering everything?"

"I know how I feel, Kimmie. I have to go back and face up to the reality."

Kimmie nodded knowingly, although it was clear her eyes betrayed the agreement and she stepped forward. "You always have a home here, April. You know that right?"

April nodded and the two sisters embraced, an unusual event to happen at all between the Kepner brood.

"Will you drive me to the airport?"

Kimmie nodded and released her sister. "But I don't promise I won't cry."

*/\*

The flight home had been particularly uninteresting and long. There was a few empty seats, two of which happened to be beside April, and so she had had no one to speak to. Although part of her had been grateful for that, sensing the notion of nerves bubbling in the pit of her stomach as the descent to Seattle approached. It hadn't mattered that she spent time reading, drinking, eating or listening to her IPod to try and distract her mind from working overtime. The reality was still there, still real and it took all her strength to hold back the urge to vomit as the plane taxied down the landing strip.

"Thank you." She mumbled to the Immigration officer, offering barely a warm smile as he returned her passport to her open hand. All that she could think about was collecting her baggage and grabbing a cab back to the city, aiming to take a detour via the apartment to grab some fresh clothes before checking into a hotel. She knew she had outstayed her welcome at Callie and Arizona's, judging by the constant whispering that seemed to occur when she had been in earshot of the couple. It had been part of the reason she had chosen to take some leave and head back to Moline in the first place. It wasn't fair if she asked to go back to them now and she certainly did not feel staying in the apartment was a wise idea.

Leaning against the cool marble of a supporting pillar, she waited patiently as the luggage carousel began to creak into action. It did not take long for her suitcase to come into view and she collected with an eager pace, pacing quickly toward the exit in need of a few moments of fresh Seattle air before she hailed a cab.

In her haste, she almost missed a familiar face waiting for her.

"April!"

At the sound of her name, the young woman whipped round and dropped her bags at the sight of her husband waiting in the arrivals entrance. "Jackson." She replied, her tone filled with surprise as she advanced towards him. "How did you know when my flight got in?"

"I got Arizona to tell me." He admitted sheepishly before trying a small smile, in hope she wouldn't be mad that he has asked her friend to give up the information. "Are you mad?"

"No… I just didn't expect you to be here, that's all." She told him, her voice still laced with a surprise note.

"I came to take you to… wherever."

She nodded. It was clear he had wanted to say the apartment but had thought twice, unsure if this was in fact where she had planned to go. Picking up her bags once more, she bit her lip with an uncertain edge. "I was just going to drop of some things, get some clean clothes and check into a hotel… I think."

"A hotel? April." He replied, hurt clear in his tone at her admission. "We have two perfectly good rooms back at the apartment."

"I don't want to sleep in the guest room, Jackson." She retorted before almost instantly regretting her tone. She knew he wasn't trying to irritate her with his perfectly reasonable answer to the issue.

"I'm sorry, I just thought… it doesn't matter." He trailed off before extending a hand and pointing at her belongings. "Here let me take you bags."

She tried a small smile as he accepted the bags and trailed behind as he headed towards the exit.

_This was going to be one long car journey. _

*/\*

"I washed some of your clothes whilst you were away." Jackson told April quietly as she began to spoon dirty laundry from the suitcase onto the bedroom floor. He was stood watching her from the door way, chewing on his bottom lip nervously as he wrestled with less sensible and calm sentences he wanted to use instead.

"Thank you." She replied as warmly as she could whilst avoiding eye contact with him.

The last time she had been here in the apartment had been before her trip to Moline. Jackson had still been at the hospital, despite the late hour and she had actually enjoyed the peace that the rooms offered to her. It was one and only time she had been back here since their fight without him and she had been happy about that fact. Having not told him of her plans to spend some time back home with her parents, it was a relief that he wasn't around to ask her hundreds of questions or demanding to know what that meant for their relationship. Instead, she had planned to leave him a note explaining that she was going to take a week or two to spend some time with her thoughts and that she would be more willing to talk when she returned home with her thoughts straightened out.

Of course, he hadn't quite been pleased to come and find the note lying on the kitchen countertop. Her flight had already left.

"Have you made reservations anywhere?" He continued, watching her now as she began to hunt through her drawers. _This is ludicrous_.

"Not yet."

"There's still the offer to stay here… and I'll take the guest room." He continued, adding the extra end to the sentence in reference to her earlier comment.

April paused for a moment, in the midst of upsetting a pile of freshly washed clothes Jackson had obviously placed on the shelf in her absence. A pair of washed, neatly folded pants caught her eye and caused a small smile to hitch on her lips for a moment.

"I wouldn't expect you to do that in your own apartment." She replied.

Jackson bit hard on his tongue at the comment. "Our apartment, April… not mine, ours."

"I-I just meant it was yours, you know… before we got married."

"And now we're married, it's ours."

Hitching her breath a little, she grabbed the pants from the pile and stuffed them into the bag at her feet, choosing not to respond to the reference of their marriage. She knew she was avoiding the elephant in the room but she just couldn't quite bring herself to be open to another fight, or emotional conversation considering everything clouding her thoughts at that very moment in time. Instead, she squashed everything down and zipped up the case again before taking to her feet and closing the closet door quietly.

"So you're going to ignore it then… ignore me and run off to stay in a hotel somewhere." Jackson grumbled, standing a little straighter in his position as he watched her lift the case onto the bed and reach for her purse. "We're not going to talk about it, _at all_?"

"You asked me for a divorce that last time we spoke, April. I think we need to talk about this."

April paused in her ministrations for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by the thoughts of that very night around a month ago in Joe's bar. There had been whiskey involved, but only a little to insight her courage and they had been discussing the therapist that his mother had felt might benefit their marriage. He had asked her what they should discuss first and she had offered the omission that had first been discussed in an earlier therapy session. Jackson hadn't seem to take the possibility seriously the first time but after the whiskey, and the day he had endured at work, the possibility that his wife might well have been being serious all seemed to real.

"Do you want to get divorced, April?" He asked, pushing further forward with the subject. That night in the bar, she had told him that it seemed a very real possibility at that time. She had told him that it was clear that had different values, which would divide them eventually she felt and that she wasn't sure she could remain married to a man who did not seem to take her seriously. Of course, he had counter argued it all and tried to enable his wife to see his point of view but that had only caused another row to enthuse, arriving at her subsequent departure and further lack of communication between them before she left for Moline.

"April?"

"Jackson, I…"

"Because I don't." He told her with true honesty. "And I don't want to you to leave tonight when we still have so much to talk about."

She continued to stand motionless for a few moments, hearing every word that he was offering and noting the clear pain straining with each of them. This was becoming too much, ripping her apart inside slowly, piece by piece. It was killing her, knowing how much he loved her, which she truly believed but just how much she could not find it within herself to admit that yes, a huge part of her did not wish to be married to a man who could not respect and love her for the person she really was. It wasn't something that was going to fix itself by being here with him, not allowing herself a place where she could be without his presence to mull everything over before she came a final decision about their future. There was too much at stake for her to be making rash choices.

"Jackson, I have to go." She told him eventually, zipping up her purse and replacing the suitcase back onto the bedroom floor. "I'll see you tomorrow at work."

Grasping the pully handle, she strode across the bedroom and slipped past him into the hallway, fully intent on leaving the apartment.

"April," He called, watching as she made her break for freedom. The truth about his views from the argument that had started this mess, were bubbling beneath the surface and needed to provide them room to escape into words before they broke him. "I said a lot of things during our argument that I regret, and I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings."

Turning back, she let go of the pully handle and fixed her eyes against those of her husband. "I'm sorry too." She replied in truthfulness. It was not a mistake that she did feel guilt and regret partially in regards to her reaction to Jackson's truth telling.

"Good then come home… stay." He tried, surprised and yet relived that she seemed to at least see a partial light at the end of all of this. "This is a conversation we're always gonna have to have. It's a part of who we are. It's going to take some talking… but we got married. We love each other. We made vows to push through this sort of thing."

"I know." She shot back in quick succession. She was more than aware of the vows she had taken, much the same ones as Jackson had which he seemed to have somehow forgotten or confused in their few short months of marriage. "I love you too and we made a commitment."

Spared on by her admission, he took a few steps forward closing the gap quickly between them as his expression became more animated. "Then if you believe it God, you believe he made me… your husband. Who shares your values, which I do. I believe we shouldn't kill or steal. I believe that you should be truthful. I believe you should treat others the way you want to be treated."

"I agree."

"So then we can push through this… problem. At our core we believe the same things."

"And still I think about telling our children how unbelievably loved they are by the creator of the universe, who also made them and I can just see you standing there, judging and dismissive and I just can't get passed it."

There it was. The truth; everything that bound this argument together as it centred on the faith she held so close to her heart. This was the reason they were fighting, because he had told her that he thought her belief in Jesus was unjust. It didn't matter that he had his own thoughts, or that he was simply being honest because he had torn at a huge part of the person his wife was by inadvertently admitting to his dislike of those beliefs. Furthermore, it was obviously affecting the plans they were making for their future, heavily influenced it seemed by the fact he would not share the same beliefs to instil into their possible children as his wife.

Too fired up by her truths, he cut across her words and gave a demand. "Can we please just take a break from a hypothetical children for-"

"No! We can't because… they're not hypothetical anymore." She too cut across, demanding a silence between them as the words fell out into the open space. It was hard to not to read between the lines regarding the meaning of that statement. Standing with an open mouth and wide eyes, he listened as she admitted the final piece of the puzzle that was keeping this problem so current in their marriage.

"Jackson, I am pregnant."


	12. Chapter 12

Month twelve of twelve below! But fear not, I have plans for an epilogue which I am hoping you will be pleased with, as with the end of this story…

I must say thank you for all the wonderful comments I have received in response to this story. I am so glad you have enjoyed it as much I have enjoyed writing it… However, I do have to stress that I am not American, that I live in the UK and may have made some factual errors in this story because of this. I hope you have enjoyed this story regardless!

Let the Japril love continue!

**Month Twelve**

"Stop fidgeting." Arizona Robbins scolded, tapping April Kepner's knee cap gently.

April grimaced and ceased the movements in her legs. "I'm nervous. I can't help it."

"This is one of the better parts of the whole thing… A happy part." Arizona replied with a wide, warm smile. "There isn't anything to be scared of."

"Well it's just… considering everything that happened last time, I want this time to be perfect." April admitted, with a slight wavering edge in her voice. Arizona nodded and reached out a hand to a friend, who accepted it gratefully and managed a small smile as the older woman squeezed with definite empathy. After a few moments of silence, in which the friends shared the tender moment, April spoke once more. "I have no idea why I had to book in with an OBGYN though. I would have trusted you to do then scan."

Arizona rolled her eyes and released April's hand, shifting slightly so she could adjust the pillow behind the younger woman's head. "April, you know I wasn't going to agree to that."

"But why not? You have years of experience with this kind of thing, caring for tiny humans."

"I have _years _of experience fixing tiny humans that are already born. I am not an OBGYN like Doctor Hana, you know that." Arizona replied with a serious undertone to her voice. It didn't matter that she and April were close friends, or that she had indeed preformed a thousand and one ultrasounds before now, this was a tiny human growing inside of someone she knew, someone she would have even gone so far as to say loved. Considering the history that April had with the previous miscarriage, there was going to be nothing but the best for the expectant mother. "And besides," She added. "Now as member of the club involved in the making of the tiny humans, I know just how important it is to have a fully qualified OBGYN to attend to all your pregnant woes."

April nodded, aware her friend made perfect sense and re-adjusted herself underneath the exam sheet. "I know that, I just don't want to get too comfortable, you know… Having an OBGYN means that this is a real possibility. It's overwhelming."

It had been hard for the young surgeon to except that she was, in fact, pregnant. The signs and symptoms had been there, even before her trip to Moline but she had tried to push them to the back of her thoughts; the fight with Jackson was consuming most of her time and energy, and she did not need to be reminded of the past experiences she had had with pregnancy. Even the process of actually forcing herself to the clinic, to have a blood draw and confirmation from a medical professional, had been a huge effort for April. It had only been because of Kimmie's persistence during her home visit, that she had gone at all. Her reluctance, which Kimmie knew, were coming from the memories of the miscarriage, which she had inadvertently shared with her elder sister in the process of admitting the possibility of a new pregnancy. They had even gone on to discuss the first pregnancy scare that April had endured following her boards. None of the experiences April had had, were really helping to calm the worry and fear that she held now she was pregnant once again.

"What if it happens again, Arizona? I don't think I would make it if I had another miscarriage."

"April, you know as well as I do that if these things are going to happen, that they will. We have no control on the force of the greater powers."

April nodded and almost managed a small smile at the comforting words of her friend. "I'm really glad you could make it with me today. I couldn't have asked for a better friend."

Arizona nodded and smiled warmly once more, turning and taking a sear beside her friend at the sound of voices and feet on the other side of the exam room door. "April Avery?" A tall, slim dark haired woman asked as she entered the room and closed the door quietly behind her. April nodded and the woman smiled. "I'm Doctor Hana, your new OBGYN by all accounts… and you're here today to see you baby for the first time I understand?"

April nodded her head once more, shifting her hand out from beneath the sheet and gripping tightly at the side of the bed. "It's nice to meet you." She managed through gritted teeth.

Doctor Hana offered a wide, toothy grin and took her seat at the end of the exam couch. "Likewise." She replied, snapping on a glove to her left hand. "Now let's get you in the right position to see this baby shall we… Slip down the bed a little for me, knees up toward your stomach, ankles together and relax as best as you can manage."

April nodded, swallowing hard before proceeding to follow the instructions. It was not a dignified position to be in, not in the slightest and the sound of the monitors loading only added to the thundering rythmn of her heart in her chest. "Sorry, I'm nervous." She apologised, noticing the slight shake of the exam sheet as she tried to manoeuvre her legs as instructed.

"That's ok, there's nothing to be worried about. This is all very routine when you first discover you're pregnant… Is this your friend, partner?" The older woman, gesturing in Arizona's direction.

Arizona laughed softly at the insinuation from the Doctor and April shook her head. "No, no, this is my friend, Doctor Arizona Robbins. My husband couldn't make it because he was has surgery, or something…" She trailed off, trying to focus on anything but the actions of the Doctor preparing the probe before the ultrasound began.

"Sorry I just made assumptions." Doctor Hana apologised, rolling her eyes at both women with a slightly embarrassed edge.

"I'm married too." Arizona added with a light tone to her voice, smiling at Doctor Hana as she acknowledge the quite rightful slip of the tongue. She, herself, knew only too well how others sometimes perceived the presence of two women at an ultrasound appointment; thoughts of Callie, and the small swell her wife was currently carrying around her middle, only made her smile a little wider.

"Ok, so now we've established the facts, shall we get started?"

April took a deep breath and swallowed against the dry, scratchy feeling in the back of her throat and tipped her head a little to show her consent.

"Ok, so this is quite uncomfort-"

The sound of an urgent knocking on the door stopped the Doctor in her tracks, whilst Arizona and April exchanged glances. With an apologetic raise of her eyebrows, she stood from her stool and padded over to the exam room door, opening it a little with caution considering the current position of her patient on the exam couch. After a few moments of hushed voices, Doctor Hana closed the door once more and turned to April.

"It's your husband. He wants to know if he can here with you, instead of your friend."

April shifted a little in her seat, turning her head again to see Arizona who simply smiled and stood from her seat. "I would much rather be Jackson be here with you, April." She said quietly, knowing that without a doubt this was the best outcome of the situation. If this had been Callie, and she had suddenly had chance to be with her wife, there was no comparison as to the choice she would have made.

April smiled at her friend, tipping her head knowingly and watched as the older woman strode across the room and exited through the door, before Jackson appeared beside Doctor Hana. "Hi." She murmured quietly as he moved across the room toward her and took the seat Arizona had just vacated.

"Your surgery?" She asked, without being fully able to digest his sudden presence in the room.

"I decided that nothing was more important than this. I was stupid for thinking it was ok to send you here with Arizona." He explained, fixing his eyes with hers and contorting his face into one that showed honesty and compassion.

"I would have been ok with Arizona, Jackson." She replied, suddenly rolling her head back into the centre of the pillow and fixing her eyes on the ceiling tiles. Slightly dejected, he nodded a little disorientated, and leant back against the cushioned back to the chair he occupied.

"Ok, so are we ready to start now?" Doctor Hana asked, returning to her stool once more and collecting the probe, adjusting the screen with her free hand.

"Yes." April replied with little sign of any feeling in her voice whatsoever.

A few moments passed as the Doctor organised the setup before informing April to relax, and slipping in the probe to the appropriate depth. It wasn't a particularly pleasant feeling, and April felt herself tighten a little at the sensation, but she did not move or murmur in the slightest, instead continuing to focus on the ceiling above them. She could hear the words of the Doctor as she explained what was happening on the screen, angling it now so Jackson and April could see if they so wished, adjusting the probe as appropriate.

"And here's the uterus, with the sac just to the left on the screen here."

"Is that the…" Jackson trailed off, his eyes fixed on the screen at the sight of the grainy image moving slightly as the probe shifted. In that very moment, he could not recall how to read the findings of the ultrasound as he had done so many times before. It was as if he was experiencing the entire process for the very first time.

"That," Doctor Hana replied, tapping at a large button below the screen. "Is your baby, yes… I would say you're about 9 weeks along actually."

April felt her head nod at the findings. The accuracy of the scan made sense. Around about that period was the last time she and Jackson had been intimate, the night before their fight. That could have been the only potential episode, since neither of them had been able to look at the other in the last few weeks, never mind think about having sex. "Is everything ok?" She asked, sensing a sudden rush of tears building in her eyes as the enormity of the current state of the situation resonated with her.

"Everything is absolutely perfect." Doctor Hana replied, smiling warmly at Jackson as his eyes remained transfixed on the screen. "In fact, I have the foetal Doppler available if you would like me to try and detect the baby's heart beat? I sensed you might be worrying considering your previous experience."

Jackson turned his head a little to catch sight of his wife. She had shifted a little now, her eyes roaming around the room at least. With caution he reached out a hand and edged it across the capture hers from the side of the trolley; with tender ease, he prized her fingers from the metal and let them curl into his. It was the first moment during the whole experience that she felt herself loosen at little. "Do you want to see if we can hear the heartbeat?" He asked her quietly, hoping she would agree as excitement pulsed through him at the thought.

"Isn't it too early?" She questioned moving her gaze to the Doctor at the end of the couch.

"Nine weeks can be too early, yes but that's why we use the foetal Doppler. It has a higher success rate of picking up weaker beats, as they usually are at this gestation." She explained, reaching underneath the ultrasound unit and offering the said equipment for April and Jackson to see.

"But what if there isn't a heartbeat?" She asked no one in particular, her voice small and uncertain.

"If the Doppler doesn't pick one up, that doesn't mean there is any cause for concern. Your blood work is normal, as I would expect at this gestation and we can try again in a week or two with the Doppler."

"Ok." April replied, feeling reassured by the kind words of the OBGYN. Arizona had most certainly been right when she had suggested this particular one, assured that she was the very best that Grey-Sloan Memorial had to offer.

"Ok." Jackson also confirmed, squeezing her hand tightly as they felt themselves mutually comforted by the words. No matter what had happened between them, neither would forget the peril and hurt they had both felt when they had gone through the previous miscarriage. It was the one thing that had overshadowed the idea of a new pregnancy, completely shelving the fight that they were currently immersed in. The idea that they had created a life, who was an innocent bystander in the rougher edges of its parents' marriage, was where they knew their focus had to be now.

"Here goes." Doctor Hana said quietly, retracting the ultrasound before replacing it with the Doppler, shifting a few dials to set the right frequency. "It takes a few moments." She added as they all noted the silence that seemed to surround them as they waited.

"I can't hear anything." April groaned, straining to listen for even the smallest of sounds emitting from the small speaker.

"Just give it a minute." Jackson coaxed, he too straining his hearing to grab any small sound they might be offered.

Then, all of a sudden, the room seemed to fill with the steady sound off a heart rythmn from the small speak at the bottom of the couch. Doctor Hana burst into a smile and looked upward to Jackson and April who were exchanging unsure glances. "You seem to have the Gods smiling down on you after all." She told them as the sound resonated with the parents to be. "You have what sounds like a very healthy little baby growing in there."

*/\*

They had stayed listening to the soft thudding of the baby's heart for a few minutes before the examination came to a natural end. Doctor Hana had left them alone in the exam room to digest the news, and to give April some privacy to get herself re-dressed. Jackson had waited in silence as she had done, clambering from the trolley and dragging her underwear and jeans back up her thighs. He noted that it seemed a strange situation for them to be in. It should have been one of the happiest moments in their young marriage but there was still a certain air that hung between them. Whilst they had decided it was time to seriously consider trying to work out their issues in their marriage, specifically now they faced impending parenthood, there was still something unresolved between them. Not that he could be sure what that was.

"I'm going to cut back my hours in the ER." April said suddenly, breaking the silence and bringing Jackson from his thoughts. "I need to focus on the pregnancy."

"That sounds sensible." Jackson agreed.

"But I'm not giving surgery up. I'm still a trauma surgeon… even if I'm going to be a mom." She added with definite strength to her voice.

"I wouldn't expect you to give up doing something that you love… I know you'll take good care of our baby regardless."

_Our baby_. The words seemed strange when said out loud. When she had been pregnant before, neither of them had had time to digest the information before she was put through the hell of the miscarriage. Yet now, now they had all the time in the world to enjoy the sensation of getting to grips with the knowledge, all being well, they would be parents in seven months' time. It filled April with a new type of warmth, spilling into every inch of her as a small smile slipped into her lips. "I can't believe we're going to be parents, Jackson." She sighed, turning her body so that she could face him fully since he had first arrived in the room.

"I know." He replied.

"We're going to be good parents too, right? It doesn't matter about all the crap… we'll do this right, together?"

He tipped his head a little at the sudden urge his wife seemed to have, regarding a frank discussion about their abilities of caring for the soon to be child. It was hard to fully read the expression in her features but he felt she partly seemed scared, and partly seemed excited about the journey they were both about to begin. With a smile, he nodded and stood from the chair, closing the gap between them as he looked down over her. "We're going to be the best parents we can be, April. We'll raise him or her to be kind, and loving, and to believe that there is good in the world, and the people in it."

She nodded eagerly, casting her eyes upwards and fixing them against her husband's, relishing in the proximity of their closeness. It had been two months since they had last shared such limited space, since she had felt the warmth of his skin through the scrubs that clothed his body. Swallowing hard, she blinked and poised her lips. "What you said, about the vows we made and about always having to have those types of conversations… this conversation, we'll work through it right, you promise?"

"April, I-"

"No, Jackson, if we're serious about our marriage and raising our son or daughter together, then we need to be serious about sorting through everything that has happened in the last few weeks. It's important to me."

Jackson nodded, reaching a hand around and tentatively placing it on his wife's elbow. "I hear every word, I promise you. Even if I have to come to church with you, or say Grace before we eat dinner… I will do everything I can to help us get through this. I promise you that, even I can't promise you anything else."

"Good… because I love you, Jackson Avery. As much as you drive me crazy, and I still think you're an ass for what you said, I can't help it… that I love you."

Jackson smile widened at the words, taking them in with a lungful of air, as they ignited every inch of his being. It had been a while since he had heard them but they still caused him to react in the same way he always had, filling him with pride and pure passion. Finally, after the first year of marriage that they had endured, there was light beginning to peak through at the end of the very long tunnel they had been travelling the length of. In that very tender moment, between husband and wife, they finally had begun to feel that everything that they had been expecting from their marriage was finally within their grasp. They had gotten through the toughest months of their lives, and despite everything, were still standing twelve months later, ready to take on the most exciting chapter so far.

For the first time in twelve long months, April and Jackson Avery finally felt like they could do this.

* * *

I'll have a final epilogue to this story for you all, which I will be posting as soon as possible.

Thanks again!


	13. Epilogue: Three Years On

**Epilogue: Three Years On**

7am over Seattle was always beautiful. It didn't matter if there were rain clouds on the horizon, or a strong current of sunlight blinding half-closed eyes. It simply was. It was something April mused as she made her way home after working the night shift in the ER.

Stepping into the warmth of this particular morning, April inwardly smiled as she noted the bedroom light flickering into the window; Jackson was still home. He had to work at some point today but, rather surprisingly, she had been afforded time to leave work early and see him before he had to leave.

Coming home to her husband was something she could never tire of, she thought to herself as she pulled the car into the driveway. Knowing that his strong arms awaited her in a few moments was enough to bring pleasure coursing through her veins. It didn't matter that they had been married two years now, or that they still had so many unresolved issues to work out, he was her husband and she loved him with all she had regardless. Turning off the engine, she grabbed her purse and opened the door to the morning Seattle air.

"Jackson?" She called out as she pushed open the front door of their apartment. Stifling a yawn, she pulled off her jacket and allowed her feet to free themselves from her shoes. It was always a welcoming relief to come home to this, and to him.

"Hi babe." He called back from the bedroom, emerging a second later wrapped in his towel, with a toothbrush jammed between his teeth. Offering her a goofy grin, she laughed and edged toward him across the room.

"I'm glad you're still home." She murmured, pressing herself into his chest and taking a lungful of his freshly washed scent.

Wrapping an arm around her upper torso, the grin he wore softened to a smile as he removed the toothbrush from his mouth. "I don't have surgery until ten. And my resident can take care of rounds for one day."

"Then we can do something?" She asked him hopeful. They had both been working themselves into the ground recently, and she had told herself in the car journey home, she needed some quality time with her husband. It was hard trying to be surgeons whilst also trying to be surgeons.

The sensation of her words into his chest felt wonderful. It almost felt as if she was talking to his heart, lulling it to beat in a slow and steady rythmn. He mused just how natural this felt, holding his beautiful, talented wife in his arms and vowed he would always appreciate the small things they were offered in a marriage that had had its fair share of low points.

Using his free hand, he reached upward and captured her chin with his fingers, pulling it upwards so that his gaze could meet hers. "We have, oh-" He started, taking a moment to look at the clock above April's head on the kitchen wall before returning his gaze to hers. "About thirty minutes of uninterrupted peace."

Now April was smirking, sensing just what her husband was insinuating. It was hard not the note the twinkle in the eyes of her husband. They were not often given this luxury, usually too concerned with the pressures of work and family life. "I won't say no that." She almost whispered, using a sultry edge to her tone as he released the grip he had held around her.

"In the bedroom or…" Jackson trailed off, raising an eyebrow as both of their gazes seem to fall upon the kitchen counter close to them.

Wordlessly, April let her husband come behind as she turned, roughly grasping her waist and pressing her forward into the curve of the kitchen counter top. Pressing his lips to the nape of neck, peppering small kisses in the dip, he groaned as she pushed her hips backwards to connect with his groin. "Jackson." She sighed, her knuckles turning whiter as she held on to the unit for support, unable to judge whether she could remain upright as he worked her body with his hands and his lips; his fingers were toying with the hem of her t-shirt, riding it a little up over her stomach to expose flesh, whilst his lips caressed her jawline.

"You are the _sexiest _woman alive." He grumbled beside her ear, knowing the sensation of his voice was driving her a little wilder. He could not help but marvel at the exuberant, raunchy nature that she was able to show him with barely any encouragement. The April Kepner he had first come to know, and to love, had not be capable of any such talents in the beginning. It seemed it had taken the love and appreciation of a good man, her now husband, to show her was much sexier than most gave her credit for.

"Jackson." She moaned, feeling his hands now sliding around the front of her jeans, toying with the button that held them close to her. "You drive me crazy."

"I try." He replied with a small laugh.

"Jackson I-"

"Mommy? Daddy?"

The two adults sprung apart at the sound of a small voice from behind them. Straightening her clothes, April quickly applied a large smile to her lips and rushed over to where her daughter stood rubbing her eye with one hand, favourite blanket in the other. "Hi sweet girl." She cooed, dropping to her knees and reaching out to stroke the cheek of the small child.

"Bad dream Charlie-bear?" Jackson asked, also appearing at the side of his daughters and crouching so he was also at her level.

Their daughter nodded, sniffing a little as she clutched the blanket closer to her chest. April offered her husband a knowing glance, rather surprised still from being caught by their daughter in a compromising position before she opened her arms for their daughter to clamber into. "How about we go get in mommy and daddy's bed and watch some TV." She told her daughter with a soft tone, allowing the child to get comfy in her grip, wrapping her legs around April's waist and pressing her cheek into April's shirt-covered chest.

Jackson smiled as he watched the two of the leave the kitchen, noting just how at home April always looked carrying their daughter; Charlotte Alexa Avery was almost two and half now, and already had developed strong currents of April's personality, despite gaining the majority of her flawless features from Jackson. It was hard to miss the stubborn streak their daughter favoured, and her way of having the ability to get her father to attend to her every whim, just like April had managed so many times before. She was sassy too, but with a slight shy side when she did not feel all too comfortable with the situation. Despite the thick, jet black flash of hair that adorned her head, it was clear Charlotte had inherited the classic traits of any true red-head.

It had taken some time for them to adjust to the idea of parenthood, yet all that seemed to have melted away on the day that Charlotte had been born. Even his mother, Catherine, had mustered some sort of animosity with her daughter-in-law when she had been afforded those first few precious moments with her only grandchild. The birth of the daughter had been a day of wonder, and of celebration and had broken his heart, as well as fixed all the cracks that it had endured previous to the beginning of her small life. Charlotte had completed him, completed them. No longer could they think back to a time they had been happier, or when they hadn't felt complete with the presence of such a little person in their lives, and in their home. When thing were tough, or tempers were frayed, they only had to make a slight mention of her and instantly they were reminded of the unbreakable bond they shared together, having made something so small and perfect. There was no denying that their daughter had completed their family perfectly.

"How about some pancakes for my two special ladies?" He asked, appearing in the bedroom doorway, greeted by the sight of them together in their bed, snuggled under the duvet with some cartoon playing quietly in the background.

Charlotte nodded. "Pancakes daddy!" She replied excitedly, clapping her hands together.

"Pancakes coming right up baby." He replied, returning to the kitchen.

April listened to the sounds of her husband clattering about in the kitchen from the bed, and then watched as her daughter lay in the crook of her arm, twisting her fingers absentmindedly as her eyes remained trained on the images on the TV screen. It felt like a wonderful moment, knowing she was privileged to have been blessed with such a perfect family life; her handsome, kind and loving husband and their perfect daughter, so clever and strong for someone so young. Just like Jackson had told her he sometimes thought, it was hard to imagine the time before now that she had been so happy, and so content with all that luck and love she had been provided in those last few years.

And still, she knew that there was something small and new, still waiting to be digested and shared yet that could only further heighten that feeling.

"Hey Charlie," She murmured, shifting her arms around her daughter to gain the small child's attention.

"Mommy?" She asked inquisitively, looking up from the TV for a moment to her mother.

"I have a secret to tell you."

Charlotte remained looking up at her mom with an expectant expression, slightly intrigued it seemed by April's omission. "Can I tell you?" She asked. Charlotte nodded. Spurred on by this, April twisted herself and managed to reach behind the drawers besides the bed, producing a brown paper bag for her daughter to see. "I have a surprise in this bag for daddy… do you want to see?"

Again Charlotte nodded, launching a pudgy hand across and taking the bag from her mother's hand. "Present mommy." She gurgled, ripping at it with excitement.

April smiled, watching her daughter tear away at the material before hurriedly unwrapping the item from within it. "Do you want to give it to daddy?"

"Does she want to give what to daddy?" Jackson asked, reappearing in the doorway of their bedroom, towel slung over his shoulder with flower on his left cheek. April could not help but grin widely at the slight. "What do you have there sweetie?" He asked his daughter, entering the room and sitting down on the end of the mattress.

"Present for you daddy." Charlotte told him proudly, shoving the item out to him as his fingers grasped at with a look of confusion etched in his features.

"Is this something you made for…" He trailed off, his eyes widening at the item his daughter had handed to him, as it resonated completely. "Oh."

"Oh?" April almost laughed, eyeing her husband cautiously. It was not the response she had been expecting.

"Is this… are you… are you pregnant again?" He stuttered, looking up slowly from the picture to April, unable to control the slackness in his jaw. It was proving quite difficult to take the news in, despite it not being the first time they had shared such an occasion as husband and wife.

Unable to control the wide, pressing smile edging into her features any longer, April nodded. "About ten weeks. I wanted to be one hundred percent before I told you, hence the sonogram." She replied, gesturing at the frame in his hands. "I don't go round giving out sonogram pictures of any old baby you know."

Jackson wasn't really listening as April continued, too drawn in by the shades of grey and white on the picture. He had suddenly been transported back to times gone by; the moment they had found out April was pregnant but miscarrying, cooing over so many other of his friend's sonograms, the first time they had been given the sonogram picture of their daughter… They had all brought him to this moment. Whilst their daughter was very much loved and adored, her appearance in their lives as a married couple had not been surrounded by much joy at the early stages and Jackson sometimes hated to think back to that moment. And yet now? Everything was much, much different and they were happy, for the first time in their marriage, without all of the trials and tribulations that they seemed to be dealt. They were them, him and April, their wonderful Daughter Charlotte and now the news of another child to complete their family.

"Jackson?" His wife pressed, having suddenly realised his seemed to have dipped out of the conversation.

"Sorry," He mumbled, dragging his eyes from the picture frame once more. "I just can't quite believe it, that's all."

"Are you mad?" April asked him quickly, an edge of worry to her tone. "I mean, yes we do have a habit of not planning our children but still, we'll make it work. We always make it work, because we're us and I-"

"April." Jackson cut across, aware she was now rambling. "I'm not mad."

"You're not?"

"How can man with such a beautiful wife, daughter and the news of a new baby be mad?"

The smile seemed to return to his wife's cheeks in an instant, suddenly unable to control herself as she leapt from her crossed leg position on the bed into his chest, his arms finding her almost instantly. "I love you, Jackson Avery." She mumbled into his shoulder, pressing his lips to the cool feel of his skin the peaked above the neck of his t-shirt. "I love you more than you could ever know."

Jackson's lips burst into a wide grin, enjoying the sensation of her weight against him as she kissed and nipped at his exposed skin. Stealing a quick glance at their daughter, happily perched watching cartoons oblivious to the news she had just assisted to depart, before blinking slowly and reaching a hand down to touch April's still flat stomach. Pressing his lips to her ear, he dispelled a soft smile and replied. "I love you too, April Kepner… you, our daughter and whatever this little one might be."


End file.
